Page 66 of Myself

Who does that? What kind of mother can do that to her child? Tears start to sting my eyes as I stare down at the white comforter.

“Becca?” Jaycent asks, placing his hand on my shoulder.

I turn my body away from him. “I’ll be fine,” I say, sniffing again. These aren’t sad tears. They’re pissed-off tears!

I push his hand off as I sink down into the bed, pulling the covers over my head. I just want this day to end.

Jaycent wraps his arm around me and pulls my back into his front. He kisses my shoulder. “I’m sorry, baby,” he whispers.

I hate that I’m mad at him. I hate my mother for putting us in this situation. “I ... can’t,” I say pulling away from him and shoving off the covers. “I can’t be in here,” I tell him, standing. I grab my phone off the bed and open the door to the cabin and run down the hallway. My throat tightens as I run up the stairs two at a time. I come to a stop and place my hands on my knees, bending over as I suck in a breath of the cool night air.

Slowly standing, I look around the boat. It’s silent out here on the ocean. I walk to the back of the boat and look over the waves the boat makes as it takes us farther away from land. We aren’t that far from shore. Maybe ten miles, give or take a few. I think everyone got off when we docked for Vicki. The scene I made cut the party short, and of course, Ryder and Ashlyn never emerged from his cabin. They’re probably asleep by now.

My phone rings again, and I look at Mom lit up. My phone shakes in my hand, and I decide I can’t hide from her forever. I hit answer and place it to my ear. “Hello?” My voice wavers.

“Rebecca!” She shouts my name. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” she demands. “I did not raise you to act like a hooligan.”

“Mom—”

“Listen to me! You will tell the captain to turn that boat back around and pick up Vicki. That is just unacceptable!” she snaps. “Tell your brother to stop messing with that little whore and apologize to Vicki!”

I tighten my hand around my phone at how she speaks of Ashlyn. “No, Mom.” It’s been over two hours since all that went down. First, I doubt Vicki is still at the dock, and second, I wouldn’t even apologize to her, so I doubt Ryder would either.

“Excuse me?” she demands. “Don’t make me—”

“What?” I interrupt her. “Don’t make you what, Mom? Pay someone to date Ashlyn so she’ll leave Ryder alone?” I growl. She lets out a huff but says nothing. “Ashlyn isn’t like Conner. She’ll take your money and throw it at your face.”

She laughs. “No one would turn my price down.”

Her words are like a knife stabbing me in the chest, and I try to suck in a breath. “She’s not like you, Mom,” I say still trying to take a deep breath. “Ashlyn doesn’t care about the money. She cares about Ryder.”

She huffs as if she doesn’t believe me. “Explain to me why?” I sniff. “You didn’t want me to go to Seattle. You told me that every day. Please explain it to me,” I beg, and I hate that I’m begging her for this. For her to explain how she controlled my life.

“Oh, that?” she asks. “It’s called an act, Becca. Your father thought you needed to stay here. I had to play along with that,” she says as if she’s rolling her eyes at my need of an explanation. “So I pretended that I didn’t want you to go when really that was the best thing for you. But of course, I wasn’t gonna let you go alone. Conner needed to chaperone you.”

“How could you?” I ask as my throat closes on me. “How could you do that to me? Your own daughter? Pay him to be with me?” I feel I must clarify ‘cause God knows how much she has done that I don’t know about.

“Because he was what you needed,” she replies simply.

“He treated me like shit, Mother!” I snap, losing my patience with her. “He did nothing but cheat on me.” Tears well up in my eyes. “You allowed him to take advantage of me.” I’m shaking I’m so pissed.

“And you think Jaycent is any better?” She huffs, and it makes her sound just like Vicki. “He was sleeping with an eighteen-year-old girl.”

My mouth falls open as I look over the dark water and suppress my urge to throw my phone overboard. “How did you know?” Was Jaycent right?

“Oh, please,” she snaps. “A mother always knows.”

“You weren’t my mother,” I shout into the night.

“Listen here, you ungrateful little bitch!” she shouts back. “I am your mother, and you will do as I say.” I shake my head at myself. “You will not run around this town making a fool of me. And neither will your brother!” I close my eyes tightly, and tears roll down my cheeks.

“You’re the fool, Mother,” I say softly. Suddenly, all my energy was gone. “You’re the fool who only cares about herself. And in the end, that’s all you’re gonna have left.” I open my eyes, hang up, and pitch the phone into the dark ocean with a loud scream of frustration.

I place my hands on the rail and hang my head as a sob wracks my body. I just don’t understand how she can’t care about me. About Ryder. How she can think it’s okay to say how we can and can’t live our lives.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I spin around to see Jaycent standing behind me. “How much did you hear?” I ask, wiping the tears from my face then hugging myself. My body is shaking in anger.

“All of it,” he admits sadly.

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