Page 65 of Myself

“I’m so sorry,” I say, opening my arms and holding my breath. Thankfully, she lets out a long breath and falls into them. I hold her tightly, and she sniffs again. She wraps her arms around my back, and I let out a long breath.

“I don’t understand. Why would she pay him to be with me?” she asks softly.

And I hate that I kept that from her. But I know the reason to this. I have to tell her. I take another deep breath. “I know why.” She looks up at me, and the first tear slides down her cheek. “I didn’t tell you because I knew the reason behind it. And I didn’t want to hurt you.” She just stares at me as if she’s waiting for me to tell her some big secret. I hate that she’s right. “Your mother didn’t want you to stay in Manhattan. She wanted you to go to Seattle because she wanted you away from me.”

She unwraps her arms from around me and pulls away. I allow her to go. “That doesn’t make sense,” she says, shaking her head. “My mother voiced her opinion all the time about not wanting me to go to Seattle. She wanted me to stay here. It was my father who never voiced his opinion on that.”

I run a hand through my hair. “That I don’t know, baby. You’ll have to ask her,” I say, and she flinches as if talking to her mother is the last thing she wants to do. “Then tell me why she would want me away from you?” she asks as she sniffs. I run a hand through my hair nervously and swallow. “Just tell me, Jayce. I deserve to know the truth.”

CHAPTER TWELVE

BECCA

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He nods. My chest is tight, and my stomach in knots. What could be so bad that my mother would pay my boyfriend to be with me?

“Remember when I beat up Conner in Panama?” I nod. “He told me that your mother wanted you to go to Seattle to get away from me.”

“Why would that matter to her?” I ask confused. This makes no sense.

He grabs my hand and walks me over to the neatly made bed. He sits down, and I follow him, knowing this is not going to be good. He releases my hand, and I place them in my lap. “Your mother had an affair with my dad when I was twenty-five.” I would have been eighteen. Around the same time she started to hate Jaycent. Is that why she hated him? Because she knew he knew about her and his father? How could she hate him for her mistake?

My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. So I shift on the bed and try again. “Why? How do you know that?” I ask softly. It’s no secret that my parents aren’t happily married. I have never known of either one having an affair, but we all knew it was probable.

“I walked in on them at my father’s house one day.”

I look down at my nails and pretend to pick at them. He places his hand on my chin and lifts it to look back at him. “She loved my father, Becca. And when he didn’t return it, she hated him. In return, she hated me. And when she realized that you loved me, she wanted you to go to Seattle to get away from me.”

I start shaking my head quickly and stand from the bed. “That’s not possible.”

He looks up at me, still sitting on the side of the bed. “I saw it.”

“No, I believe you when you say they had an affair. But there was no way for her to know that I loved you,” I state, shaking my head again.

He stands. “She did. That’s what Conner said.”

“How would she have known?” I ask, still not believing it. I run a hand through my hair, trying to figure out why I care so much. My mother paid my boyfriend; does there need to be a reason? Will that make me hate her any less? No.

“I can’t answer that question, babe,” he says softly.

I look up at him now standing in front of me again. His light brown eyes soft as they search mine. He lifts his right hand and cups my face. My throat tightens as the tears fill my eyes. And my vision starts to blur.

“I’m sorry, Becca,” he whispers.

The first tear falls, and I cover my face with both of my hands. How stupid she made me look. It never meant shit. Four years of my life wasted on a man who used me.

Jaycent wraps his arms around me, and I cry harder as I feel his lips kiss my hair.

**

My cell sits beside me on the bed as it lights up again silently. It’s my mother. She’s calling me for the fifteenth time in the past two hours. I press ignore. I’m sure she’s blowing up my brother’s phone too. I hope he’s doing the same I am.

“Do you wanna discuss it?” Jaycent asks as he sits up in the bed beside me. I just shake my head.

We haven’t spoken one word since he told me everything. We did, however, make our way to the bed. He held me while I cried as if the tears were going to change my past. There’s nothing to say. My mother had an affair with Jaycent’s dad. And then she hired my boyfriend to be with me. There’s no gray area when it comes to that situation. No way to justify or define it. My relationship was a scam, and I was stupid enough to believe it was more.

My heart aches as I try to wrap my head around the lie that was my relationship with Conner. And the fact that my mother could look me in the eyes over the past four years as she paid my boyfriend! Because she was afraid I would end up with the life she wanted.

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