Page 14 of Sinful Touch

“Fuck!” I scream as I grab onto the bookcase and pull it down; I go to the next one and the next one, pulling the bookcase to the ground. I walk over to my desk and slide my hands across it making everything crash down to the ground. I slap my hands against my desk and lower my head, taking a deep breath.

There is no fucking turning back now, we have both felt the sinful touch and now that I have I can’t fucking go without it.

She is my drug, and I know I will need my next fix very fucking soon.

Fuck please let her be ready, please let her say yes.

9

Liliana

“Cry For Help” by Daughtry

Icontinue to make my way down the sidewalk. What just happened should never have happened. I was so stupid.

I was upset when my mother told me that she got me a room with my own bathroom. She said that until I could look right, I shouldn't want to share a bathroom with others, but now, if I am being honest, I am grateful for the way my mother is.

I walk up the few steps to the dorm room and run my student key card over the lock. I grab the handle and force the door to open for me. I need to get to my room. I need to make this feeling go away.

I walk down the long hallway, stopping at my door. There is a note taped to my door with my full name written out on it. I take in a deep breath and rip down the note. I slide my student card over the lock, open the door, and walk inside. I shut the door behind me and threw my backpack onto my bed. I open the note and look down at the words that make my stomach twist and turn.

Liliana Silver,

I think you forget who the fuck I am. if you think you can say no to me, you don't know me. But I promise I will remind you. A girl who looks like you should be thrilled that a man like me wants you, but you spit in my face with your words. Do you think you are better than me? No, Liliana, you are nothing, but don't worry, sweetheart, soon you will get another chance to say yes to me.

I toss the letter onto the floor and pull off my sweatshirt and pants. I make my way over to my dresser and open the first drawer. I grab the small silver case by moving my underwear out of the way.

I turn and make my way into my bathroom, turning on the light and over to the mirror, staring at my ugly self.

A girl that looks like you

I told you not to wear that shirt. It makes your rolls come out, Lili I am trying to help you

Are you really going to eat that? Honey, that will not do you any good.

Don't you care about the way you look? or do you just like embarrassing me?

You don't have to be ugly, honey. I can help you. Why don't you let me help you? Mother knows Best, Liliana.

Liliana, how can you think someone would want you looking like that? You look disgusting right now, go back upstairs and fix yourself. You are not going to school looking like that.

I close my eyes and take in a deep breath; the tears escape my closed eyes and roll down my face as I back up and slide down the wall.

I open my eyes and look down at the silver box. I quickly open it and see the razor inside. I grab the razor and gently set down the box. I turn over my arm and look down at my wrist. It has been a little bit since I cut, but the scar is still fresh enough.

Maybe that is why Jaxon stopped. Maybe that is why he backed away from me because I am ugly.

Maybe I should have dressed up.

Maybe I said the wrong thing.

Or maybe he is laughing at me. He kissed me, though, but maybe it was just in the moment. How could he ever want to be with someone like me?

Someone ugly and fat. Someone who doesn’t try and be pretty.

I shake my head as more tears escape my eyes and roll down my face. I lean my head back against the wall as I feel the razor blade against my skin. I rip it across my wrist, feeling the blood starting to come out of the fresh wound. I look down, pick another spot, and do the same; I watch as I place the blade against my skin and rip it across.

I don't want to die, but I don't want to feel like this anymore.

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