Page 15 of Sinful Touch

I don't want to die, but I need this pain throbbing feeling in my chest to do away.

I need to know I am in control because I feel completely out of control right now.

Chad is right, my mother is right, and I was stupid to think that a man like Jaxon would want a disgusting, ugly fat girl like me when he can have anyone that he wants.

This is not the fairy tale when the girl gets the guy; no, this is the nightmare when the girl is reminded that she is nothing but a stupid girl.

10

Jaxon

“Heaven” by Julia Michaels

Iwas so fucking stupid to let her leave my office. I have never wanted more than what I have had before. She makes me want to change the rules, not all but some. That is fucking dangerous, the rules I have set for myself for a reason, but she is making me want to throw me all out of the window.

She makes me want to change it all for her.

I first need to tell her I am sorry for letting her go, I was stupid, and she did nothing wrong.

I saw the rejection in her eyes clear as fucking day, and I let her believe the rejection.

I open the side door of her dorm room make my way up the stairs and stop at the top, I see the cleaning cart a few feet away, it is late so no one is awake, and if they are they aren’t paying attention to who is coming down the hallway.

I pull out my professor card and make my way down the hallway, stopping at the last door on the right. I take in a deep breath as I slide the card over the lock; the light turns green. I hear the door unlock, so I grab the handle and turn it, pushing it open slightly, just enough for me to get inside. I close the door behind me.

Her bed is empty, but I can hear the shower running. Fuck.

I take in a deep breath as I put my professor’s card into my back pocket I make my way across her dorm room and stop at the bathroom door, I knock lightly, but she does not say anything I slowly push open the door and step inside.

“Lil, it’s me,” I say calmly.

The steam from the shower has escaped and taken over the room. I look down and see a small metal box, it is open with a bloody razor inside, my eyes scan the floor there is a blood trail leading into the shower, There is blood on the sink and counter.

“Liliana,” I shout as I make my way over to the shower ripping open the door. She is standing still underneath the water, her hands are resting against the wall, and blood is streaming down the wall and making its way down to the drain, the water trying to wash away the evidence of what she has done to herself.

“What have you done?” I ask as I step into the shower. She opens her eyes and takes a deep breath.

“I just needed it to go away.” She confesses through her tears.

“What?” I ask, trying to calm down my racing heartbeat.

“The throbbing pain in my chest,” She says, letting out another sob.

My heart aches as I make my way over to her. Her eyes stay on me as I stop in front of her. I look down at her hand and take it into mine. Turning it over, I see six cut marks going down her forearm.

Six marks allow for blood to leave her body. Six marks that allow her to release the throbbing feeling in her chest, but from what I can see, it is not working, not the way she wanted it to. We all can build a tolerance to anything, mine is alcohol, and hers is physical pain.

I want to, I really want to help her. I want to help her see that she doesn’t need to run anymore, not now that she has me.

“Lil,” I whisper, hearing my voice crack.

“I will be okay, Jaxon.” She says my full name, making me ache even more.

I try to ignore the sting in my heart when she uses my full name. I don't know why it is bugging me so much, but it is. I really don't like hearing my full name come out of her mouth.

I pull her arm up and lean down, gently licking away the blood from her arm.

“You didn’t have to come here,” She says as I pull back and release her arm.

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