Page 109 of Gift from the Tree

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

“Sent. I’m going to open the ward and put some more coffee on. I have a feeling we’ll need it.” She giggles as she walks back into the house, and I stare off toward the lake.

It’s beautiful and so calm here. This is her family’s lake house and it’s secluded for miles around, no noisy neighbors, no city lights or car horns, nothing like where I grew up or even our lake house that was surrounded by other rich people’s lake houses. It’s just peace, quiet, and nature.

“Willow,” Gaster says from behind me, and I close my eyes as my chest floods with comfort, peace, and calm.

Standing from my chair and turning toward him, I can’t hold my sob back when I see how tired and distraught he looks. It breaks my heart and I throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him as I cry.

“Child, please don’t cry. My old heart can’t handle it. My, these two days have felt like forever, and look at you, have you not been eating? You’re about to blow away.” His grandfatherly concern makes me laugh and cry at the same time.

“I have plenty of meat on my bones, Gaster. I won’t be blowing away, but honestly, no. I can’t hold anything down. I’ve thrown up so much, I quit counting. It’s so gross, but I can’t stop it. I don’t know if it’s from being away from the guys or just the mixture of so many emotions.”

“I’ll give you a tonic that will help a little bit, but that won’t fix the sickness completely.” He gives me a sad smile, answering the question without using any words. It’s because of those assholes. Great.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me, Willow. I’ve not done right by you. I should’ve told you the truth from the beginning, when you came and stayed with me and didn’t know why you couldn’t stop crying.” His eyes fill with tears, and if he cries right now, I’ll just die. I can’t handle that.

“No, Gaster, I wouldn’t have wanted to hear this from you. If I’m meant to be such an important person in their lives, they should’ve told me, not you or anyone else. But I do need you to tell me something,” I say seriously, holding his gaze.

“What would you like to know, child?” he asks as though he already knows what’s coming, but still wants me to ask.

“What kind of bond do we have?” I ask nervously. I know it’s something important.

“Smart girl. We have a Guardria bond.” Pride and awe seep from his tone. I don’t know what it means, but again my chest floods with comforting emotions.

“What does it mean? I get the sense you’re someone very important to me. You feel like my family. That’s why I call you my pseudo grandfather. That’s what you feel like.” More tears gather in his eyes as he stares at me like I just gave him the world, and I can’t help but wish Gaster had found his Nexus and Primary. He would’ve been such an amazing father and one day grandfather.

“Well, child, you’ve become a collector of rare bonds, so to speak, and this one’s no different. The Guardria bond is extremely rare. It’s given to someone who needs guidance. However, that manifests differently for each, for whatever their purpose may be. I’m here to guide you, support you, love you, and give you whatever you need throughout our lives. I believe it has manifested more in a familial way because that’s what you needed most when I found you.” What he says rings so true. I’ve always needed and wanted a family. The bond I have with the guys will always be different because there’s romance and intimacy involved. I need a love like Gaster’s and Oakly’s bond as well. I need to know what it’s like to have a family.

“Why didn’t you want to tell me?” I choke out, not understanding his secrecy.

“I wanted to tell you more than anything. This is a blessing I wanted to not only share with you but the world, but we first thought we’d give you the week with me to learn then begin to explain it to you, then your awakening happened so quickly with Corentin, they asked me to wait because explaining what happened between us would lead to you asking questions about that. But the blame isn’t theirs, or all theirs anyway. I should’ve pushed harder, argued more, but I tried to respect their wishes as well. Also, I was afraid to admit it to you at first because of what you saw in our awakening.”

“I didn’t see anything bad, though, not like with theirs. I saw you and your best friend.” I’m confused because to me, it was so sweet and a part of Gaster’s life that means so much to him.

“He wasn’t just my best friend, Willow. We also had a Guardria bond. Why Elementra has decided to bless me again, when I failed to keep him safe, I don’t know. I don’t deserve this honor.” Tears finally fall from Gaster’s eyes, making my stomach clench painfully.

“What happened?”

“I don’t know. He’d been working tirelessly over the years trying to fight off this rebel group, he was gone daily out searching for something. He swore they’d been around long, long before they showed up on E.F.’s radar and he was determined to stop them before something extremely bad happened. One day, I was sitting in the cottage going through my work when I felt the bond sever. I knew instantly he was gone. It felt like a piece of my soul had been ripped off, but I’ve never been able to find out how, why, where he was, or anything. Neither has his family.” Gaster pulls a cloth from his pocket and wipes the tears from his eyes. I can see him reliving that pain right in front of me. I can’t imagine what that feels like. Just thinking about losing any of the guys, Oakly, or Gaster like that has a knot forming in my throat and my stomach turning uncomfortably.

“I’m so sorry, Gaster. But you did nothing wrong. You can’t blame yourself or call yourself a failure for something that was out of your control. Elementra has a purpose for everything.”

“I know that in my heart, but it can be difficult to remember. Then when I felt you, I thought it was his magical signature I felt, but it was your bond calling to me that I recognized. It was that piece of my soul being stitched anew. I’m sorry for not telling you, Willow. I let the boys’ reasons for not telling you that you were their Primary be my excuse to not tell you out of fear I’d fail you or lose you like I did him. It’s a pitiful excuse, and I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you, Gaster,” I tell him sincerely.

“No, child, it isn’t that simple—”

“It’s easier to understand your reasoning than theirs. You’ve felt the pain of a bond being severed and losing someone you love dearly, yet you didn’t push me away. You’ve been doing everything you could for me, just without telling me why, and keeping their secrets for them. They weren’t even sure if they wanted me, aside from Draken. The others needed the secrets stored in my Memoria stone before they were willing to give me a chance. Yes, they’ve all grown closer to me over the last few weeks, but I’m still at an arm’s length.

“To me, it feels like if the stone had shown me something or unlocked something they didn’t like, then they would’ve never told me and gone on about their lives, while I was sitting here confused about why I was developing such strong feelings for them. It was hard to breathe if one of them wasn’t around me.

“It feels like there were conditions on them choosing me, and they could’ve made the choice to never choose me without ever telling me anything.” I let out a long, slow breath. The feelings of rejection, inadequacy, and gullibility are at war with acceptance, understanding, and desire. I have no clue which way I want to lean into more.

“I won’t try to make excuses for them. They’re grown men and will have to work this out on their own. But I’ll tell you, your Memoria stone is not what held them back from telling you, and they’re not fairing very well without you right now. They may have acted like it was a choice, but it never was. It’ll always be you and only you they choose.”

---