Page 78 of The Home Game

“No matter what, I wouldn’t just drop out of their lives!”

“I know that. But I’m still worried that they’d get hurt in the process.”

Sighing, Matty nodded.

“I get that. It just … it really sucks,” Matty admitted. “But if that’s what you want, I understand. And nothing’s going to change here. I still want you to live here and I want to take the kids to the park and cook dinners and help you with them and all of that.”

“You’re such a good person,” Antoni said with a sigh. “I hate that I can’t just say yes to this. To seeing what it would be like if we were together.”

“Me too.” Matty offered him a small smile.

Antoni picked up a dishtowel and wiped at a puddle on the counter. “So, um, the guy you and your ex had the threesome with. That’s the only guy you’ve … done anything with?”

“Yeah. A few minutes ago I was hoping to make it two but …”

“Oh, Matty.”

“It’s fine.” Matty looked away. “I didn’t mean to make it awkward.”

“No, Matty, look at me,” Antoni said earnestly and Matty glanced at him again. “If things weren’t so complicated for me right now, I’d … well, I’d be really into you.”

“You would?”

“Oh my God. You have no idea. You’re … seriously the sweetest, hottest guy I’ve ever met in my life. You’re the guy I wish I was dating.” Antoni huffed out a laugh. “But dating is … it’s really hard for me right now. My focus has to be on the kids and we’re living with you. I don’t want to fuck anything up for them.”

“No, I get that,” Matty said. And God, he really did. That fact that Antoni was willing to put the kids first was one of the things he liked best about him. “It’s okay.”

“And maybe I’m getting ahead of myself anyway. Maybe you weren’t thinking about dating anyway. Maybe it was just sex—”

“No,” Matty protested. “That’s, um, that’s the thing. I’m not a casual sex guy. I’m demi.”

“Ohh,” Antoni said. “So you … you only get attracted to people once you get to know them? Feel a connection?”

“Yeah.” Matty looked down at his hands. “That’s the thing. I like you, Antoni. And it’s okay, I know you’re not in a place where you can date or whatever. I get it. I just …”

I really fucking like you, he thought.

“Wow,” Antoni said, dragging a hand through his hair. “God, this sucks.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No.” Antoni slid closer. “No, don’t be sorry. Or, it’s not on you, really. It’s me. Where I’m at. Our situation. I don’t know.”

“Hey, I get it,” Matty said softly. “If things were different, maybe we could’ve …” He shrugged. “But I’m never gonna be mad that we can’t. You’re—you’re a really good guy, Antoni. You love those kids and you’re putting them first. It’s why I like you and absolutely nothing to be sorry about.”

Antoni sighed and let his head fall back. “I can still be annoyed that we can’t make out in the kitchen after the kids go to bed though, right?”

“Yeah,” Matty said with a soft laugh. “You can. I am too, a little bit.”

“Just a little bit?” Antoni teased.

Matty groaned. “Okay, maybe a lot. But it’s okay. I can still be your friend.”

He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Antoni’s forehead, then wrapped him in a hug.

Antoni sighed, clutching the back of Matty’s shirt as he pressed his face to Matty’s shoulder. “Yeah,” he said, his voice a little muffled by the fabric. “Yeah, of course we can still be friends.”

Even if it sucks, Matty thought with a sigh.

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