Page 78 of The Waiting Game

“Shut up,” Felix said with a laugh as he covered his face. “This is awkward. I hate talking about shit like this.”

“Sorry.”

“But Jonah …” Felix dropped his hands into his lap and looked down, swallowing. “He said my name in his sleep. And it was the way he said it …”

Sort of a soft sigh, like he was missing the contact. Like he had felt that connection too.

“And I …” Felix released a heavy breath. “It felt so … right. The way it had with Whitney when we first started dating. Where it was all exciting and new and fun and I was a little nervous about if she was into me as much as I was into her and I—I’ve never felt that with Jonah before.”

Ismael nodded.

Felix wet his lips. “But I also had this feeling like—like this was natural. That being like this with Jonah was normal for us. Like we’d always been like this and we were supposed to be like this and now I’m starting to wonder and …”

Felix ran out of words and slumped back. “Now I’m confused.”

Ismael leaned forward. “So, you’re attracted to your friend.”

Felix nodded. “Yeah. I think that’s what all that means.”

“And you love him already—in a platonic way.”

“Yes.”

“Do you think this could be something more than just platonic?”

“Maybe? I—I don’t know. That’s what has me so confused.”

“Okay, all of that makes sense to me,” Ismael said slowly. “But you lose me when you get to the fake relationship part. Why not just tell him how you feel? That you’re … questioning some things.”

Felix gaped at that.

“Too much?” Ismael said, arching a brow, though his expression was a little amused.

“Uh, yeah. I mean, it probably shouldn’t be. I’ve never hidden anything from him before, but—”

“You hid your drinking.”

“Low blow but not untrue,” Felix said with a sigh. “I did.”

Ismael gave him a little shrug. “And why did you hide that?”

“Because I didn’t want him to think less of me.”

“Do you think he’d think less of you if he knew you were attracted to men? Or to him?”

“No,” Felix scoffed. That was ridiculous.

“Are you worried he doesn’t return those feelings?”

Felix’s shoulders slumped. “Yes.”

“Ahh.”

“It just … I don’t know if I could take the rejection right now,” he admitted. “Throwing myself out there like that when I don’t really understand my feelings at all.”

“Have you considered trying to work out those feelings with someone else?”

“Like a therapist?”

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