Page 49 of The Waiting Game

It was like there had always been some barrier between him and them. They loved him, he never doubted that. He’d never felt neglected or anything.

But they were closed off in a way Grandma Ji-min and Grandpa Cho hadn’t been. They never spoke about their feelings and although they hadn’t said it in so many words, they were clearly puzzled and disapproving about his choice to pursue hockey as a career.

He’d always gotten the feeling that they thought he’d quickly outgrow the hockey thing.

And well, he hadn’t exactly wowed anyone with his career so that was nothing to brag about.

He was thirty now and hadn’t outgrown his love of the sport, but they always spoke of his future career with more enthusiasm than his current one.

Not that Felix knew what he wanted to do after hockey but they had ideas about it.

Felix had the sense his parents would be relieved when he was done with the sport. Not because hockey was dangerous and he was likely to end up in the hospital because of it, but because hockey wasn’t something they cared about.

It was something they had no interest in whatsoever.

And that was fine but sometimes, as a kid, it really hurt. Hell, they’d sounded surprised when he’d invited them to watch his first NHL game. They’d come but they’d seemed so baffled by the invitation, like it was something they hadn’t expected.

Every other parent Felix knew was counting down the days to watch that important game. Grandma Ji-min and Grandpa Cho certainly had been. They’d cheered for him louder than anyone.

Felix had never bothered to invite his parents to any of his other milestones, like his 500th game back in Vancouver.

His parents probably would’ve flown out for those important games, if he’d asked, but why bother? They wouldn’t get anything out of it and he’d feel like they were only there because they thought they should be. And that felt meaningless.

Grandma Ji-min and Grandpa Cho had come to his games as often as possible and after Grandpa Cho had passed, Ji-min had come alone or with her friend Nancy.

There had been people there to support Felix and that was what mattered.

Felix had gotten a call from his parents this morning, wishing him a happy birthday. His mom had told him they’d donated to the charity he supported—which was all he’d asked for—and they’d had a polite conversation about his father’s golf game and the visit his mother had made to see her sister on Prince Edward Island a few weeks ago.

Their conversation was … pleasant. Bland, almost impersonal, but pleasant. It always was.

Felix tried to remember the last time he’d seen them in person. A few months ago, maybe. When he got out of rehab.

And that had been hellishly awkward but, of course, no one had really said anything negative. That wasn’t what his family did.

There was always a vague feeling of disappointment and disapproval but they didn’t do drama.

Felix hadn’t been around for the messy situation last fall with Charlie’s mom at the charity auction, but he’d heard about it from Jonah and the other guys. Hockey players were kinda gossipy to begin with but they hadn’t meant anything bad by it. They’d just been worried about Charlie.

But Felix knew his parents weren’t like the Monaghans.

They’d never emotionally abused him or anything.

He flinched, remembering the things his therapist had said about emotional neglect. That it was still a form of abuse.

Which wasn’t an easy thing to swallow about the people who loved you and raised you.

“Felix.”

He blinked at the sound of his name, focusing on Grandma Ji-min.

“Yes, Grandma?” He leaned forward.

“What do you think of that?” she whispered, nodding at Jonah who stood by the door, speaking to Tyson.

Felix studied them, confused. “Uhh, I think Jonah is worried about you and wants to check with your nurse about it?”

“No.” She waved a hand. “Not that. About Tyson and Jonah. They look pretty good together, right?”

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