Page 118 of The Waiting Game

“You are allowed to enjoy things again, Felix. You don’t have to spend your life punishing yourself for the mistakes you made.”

A funny little jolt went through him, discomfort settling in the pit of his stomach. Because he had been, hadn’t he? He’d felt so terrible about fucking up that he’d convinced himself he didn’t deserve to be happy again.

That he had to be suspicious of every decision he made. That he could never trust himself again. And that was a recipe for failure, wasn’t it? A recipe for a life without joy.

“I hadn’t thought about it that way before,” he admitted.

“Well, maybe you should.” Ismael’s voice was a little amused but not unkind. “I know you’ve spent your life trying to prove your worth to everyone around you, Felix. But I doubt your best friend has ever doubted your value. He cares for you deeply. Clearly, he returns the attraction.”

“Yeah, I think we’ve established that much,” Felix said with a smile.

“Where you two take it from here is up to you. But I don’t see any red flags from where I’m standing as long as you make sure you’re being really, really honest with yourself.”

“Thank you,” Felix said. “I … I really needed to hear that, man.”

Felix wrapped up the call and said goodbye. He texted Jonah to let him know he should return to the room, then took some time to think about what Ismael had said.

I’m allowed to enjoy things again, Felix repeated silently to himself until he heard the door softly open.

And then he turned, excitement filling him, as he watched Jonah step into the room.

Jonah’s gaze was searching as he stepped closer. “How was your call?”

“Really good.” Felix beamed. “I feel great now, actually.”

“Yeah?” Jonah tilted his head, studying him with a little half-smile on his face.

“Yeah.” Felix set his phone on the small table by the window. “And I want to make you feel good now.”

Jonah blinked. “You do?”

Felix gave him a slight nod, wanting to give Jonah an out if he had changed his mind or something. “If that’s what you want.”

“Of course I do.” Jonah said it so simply, so nakedly, that it sounded like he couldn’t imagine wanting anything else. “Especially if it’s with you.”

And that filled Felix with hope for the future. Not just for whatever they got up to for the next few hours. But for what would happen in the months and years to come if Felix could prove to himself that he had his shit together enough to deserve this with Jonah.

Felix shrugged out of his jacket and kicked off his shoes, watching Jonah’s gaze fill with interest, though he made no move to do the same.

Jonah was the one with experience with men but Felix was pretty certain that if he left this up to Jonah, they’d get nowhere.

Fine, Felix would take the lead. He had with many other things in their friendship over the years.

“What exactly were you watching last night?” Felix teased as he pulled off his tee, prompting, “Jonah?” when he didn’t reply.

Jonah blinked and lifted his gaze to Felix’s face. “Huh?”

Felix smiled. Good to know that Jonah liked the look of him without a shirt on. “What were you watching on your tablet when I walked in on you last night?”

“Uh, porn?”

Felix snorted. “No shit. That much I could tell.”

“Um, it was just … a couple of guys. Nothing weird or anything.” Jonah’s face looked a little flushed all of a sudden.

“Hey. Why are you being all cagey about this?” Felix teased. “Show me.”

“Uhh. You want to watch gay porn with me?”

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