Page 117 of The Waiting Game

Because having all of Felix, even just for a little while, would be heady. Potent.

It would be hard to let go of.

But Jonah wanted it now, even if he couldn’t keep it. Even if Felix ruined him for every other man out there, he wanted it.

And so he followed Felix into the elevator and up to their floor. He knew he was putting his heart on the line as he stepped into their hotel room and the door clicked behind him.

And damn it, he didn’t care.

Kissing Jonah had been so much better than Felix imagined.

Before, Felix had wondered if he’d find kissing another man strange. But no, kissing Jonah had felt completely natural. Completely right.

Felix had spent all day today trying not to be distracted by the memories of Jonah’s body against his and the little sounds he made as he pressed closer.

Still, when they both stood in their hotel room, neither of them moved, just stared at each other until Jonah broke the stalemate. “Uh, do you actually need to call Ismael?”

Felix hesitated. He wanted to throw all caution to the wind and get his hands on Jonah but another part of him knew that he had to be responsible about this. “Probably should. Give me fifteen-twenty minutes or so?”

“Yeah, of course,” Jonah said. There was nothing but support and understanding in his gaze. “I’ll go check out the rooftop lounge for a bit. Text me when you’re done?”

“Yeah. I will.”

But when Jonah turned to go, Felix caught his sleeve. “You do want this, right? Want me, I mean.”

Jonah nodded. “So fucking much.”

Felix smiled, relieved. “Good. I want you too.”

After the door swung shut behind Jonah with a soft click, Felix reached for his phone. He dialed Ismael and, thankfully, he picked up after a few rings.

“Hey, everything okay?”

Felix hadn’t realized how jittery he’d felt until he could hear Ismael’s deep voice, his concern and steady presence reassuring.

“Yes,” Felix promised his sponsor. “Just wanted to do a quick check-in.”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking about the question you asked me last night,” Felix admitted. “About what if Jonah doesn’t regret what we did. And … you were right. He wants this. Wants … me.”

The thought filled Felix with so much hope it made his head feel fizzy with possibilities.

“Well, that’s great news.” Ismael’s tone was filled with warmth. “I had a feeling you were worrying about it unnecessarily.”

“Well, that’s what I do,” Felix joked.

He strolled over to the window and peered out. The drapes had been pulled aside by housekeeping and the view was beautiful, overlooking the city of Montreal and the St. Lawrence River.

“I just keep thinking about all of the stuff that came up in rehab. The way I used sex to self-medicate. To numb out. To distract myself. I just don’t want to do that with Jo.”

“Hey, I get that,” Ismael’s voice was soft. “But take a minute and think about this. Is there something you’re trying to avoid thinking about? Stress over how you’ll do in the playoffs? Something like that?”

“I don’t think so,” Felix said slowly. “Obviously, I’m concerned about my performance and how the series will go but I had a good first game. I feel healthy.” He looked around for the nearest piece of wood to rap his knuckles against. “I think my feelings for Jo come from a healthy place.”

“Obviously I can’t tell you what the right choice for you is,” Ismael said. “Only you know what’s in your heart. But I think as long as you’re conscious about some of the pitfalls you’ve stumbled over in the past and are coming at it from a thoughtful, healthy place now, you need to trust yourself and your friendship with Jonah.”

“Yeah, okay. That makes sense.”

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