Ismael nodded.
“If something more physical evolved organically, then that wouldn’t be a bad thing either. But figuring out if I’m into having sex with men isn’t my goal here. It’s figuring out if I can be the kind of man Jonah deserves. If I can offer him the kind of relationship he wants with someone someday.”
Ismael hummed, then fell silent for a moment as he seemed to be sorting through Felix’s words. “You had me worried there at first but I get what you’re saying now.”
“Look, if you think this is going to fuck up my recovery, I need to know,” Felix urged. “I trust your opinion.”
Ismael spoke slowly, like he was considering what he said very carefully. “If you were attempting to do this with anyone but Jonah, I’d be very concerned. And if I felt like there was a chance it would damage your relationship with someone who is such a huge part of your support system, I’d be worried.”
“No way,” Felix said firmly. “Even if Jonah has absolutely no interest in me. Even if he was totally against the idea of a future together, we’d be fine. It might be awkward for a minute but we’d get through it.”
“That’s important.”
“I know.”
“So, I can’t tell you if this approach is right or wrong for you. I can tell you that the one thing that has never hindered your recovery is your relationship with Jonah. He’s been by your side through all of it. So if this is what you feel is right, I’ll support you in whatever you choose.”
“Jonah, are you alright?”
He jerked and blinked at his laptop and the nattily dressed professor on the screen. “I’m sorry, Henry, what were you saying?”
“I asked about your oncidium orchid. I thought that was what you wanted to chat about today. You said you had some concerns about how it was doing?”
Jonah shrugged. As much as he loved his plants and was worried about the way his new orchid was looking, that wasn’t really what he’d been thinking about. “Uhh, sorry. I’m a little distracted, I guess.”
“Do you want to talk about what’s distracting you?”
Jonah hesitated. “I, uh, I’m not sure.”
“Well, I’m here if you change your mind.”
Although Jonah and Henry usually talked more about plant biology and care than their personal lives, they knew each other pretty well and Jonah was tempted.
Henry was a gay man. He had a long-term partner. Tim was someone he’d worked with and been friends with for years before they got together.
He’d absolutely understand the turmoil going through Jonah’s mind.
“Felix and I had a strange conversation last night,” Jonah said slowly.
“Well, tell me all about it, mate.”
Jonah smiled.
Henry was Australian but Jonah never knew how much he actually talked like that in his day-to-day life or if he played it up during their conversations because Jonah had once, early on in their friendship, embarrassingly gushed that he found Australian accents sexy.
So Jonah went through the entire thing. Grandma Ji-min’s accident, the trip to the hospital, and everything that had transpired after with Felix.
“And I just don’t know what to tell him,” Jonah finished. “This is nuts, right?”
Henry laughed a deep belly laugh that made his eyes crinkle. “It sure is.”
“So I shouldn’t do it?”
“Well, I didn’t say that.” Henry shook his head, smiling at Jonah through the screen. “I mean, he’s very good-looking and you did say he told you he wasn’t 100% straight.”
“Yeah but … that’s …” Jonah shook his head. “He didn’t really mean that, did he?”
“How should I know? You know him better than I do.”