Page 44 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

Slater lifted his hand out of his pocket to brush his hair back. His hand shook so badly he could hardly do it. Cody and I flanked him, each offering our support.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Cody said.

“I know. He did it to himself, but the damage was done by then. My anxiety was off the charts. We found a therapist, and I started sessions. My list of triggers has grown since then, but I do the best I can to manage it. Every once in a while, I get depressed too. It’s a lot.”

“We’re not walking away,” I told him.

Slater peered down at me, his eyes not so red anymore. “I’ve gathered that.”

“There’s only room for one smart-ass in this relationship.” I bumped him with my shoulder.

He turned to Cody. “I don’t want you just for sex. Neither of you. How do we do this with me being the way I am and the schedule I have? You both have jobs you care about. I’m not sure how, but I’m willing to try. Letting you go is no longer an option. I’m in this with you both.”

20

SLATER

Casper’s hand pressed between my shoulder blades. “This will be good for you.”

“You’re right.” That didn’t mean I was ready.

He smirked. “Of course, I am.”

It had been five days since I removed the very blurry line between sex and more with Cody. There was no line with Milo from the start. I gave in, unable to fight the pull to Cody anymore, and said I wanted to be with them. They knew about me, and I knew about them.

God, the way my heart broke at Cody’s story, then again when Milo told his. My life had been very fortunate. That didn’t mean there was nothing hanging over my head, tormenting me, keeping me awake at night, and moving nonstop during the day until I couldn’t take it any longer and collapsed. Anxiety rode me harder than normal due to what being with Milo and Cody meant. They would be more exposed now. They would be in the spotlight with me and the others.

When the band came to my house this morning after me not answering their texts, they found me curled up on the couch with the TV on, giving in to the panic attack. I thought if I let it consume me, maybe it would recede, and I could move on.

Dash, Casper, and Reed were there to surround me with their love and friendship while I told them what happened. If anyone understood, it was them. Their men’s lives were out there for the world to dissect, just like mine would be. And none of them were without scars of their past.

Elic’s abusive stepfather was currently in prison. He was also Tristan’s ex. Romeo suffered panic attacks like I did and danced at Untouchable. There was one thing about him that didn’t make the gossip sites. He was the son of who used to be Jordan Altair Sr.’s second-in-command, Malik. Romeo was linked to the mafia and very few knew. With his father long dead, he had Jordan there for him, who wasn’t the horrible man I always thought him to be. He wasn’t good, but he had a soft…ish side.

“Slay.” My brother filled my vision, standing in front of me, drawing me back to the present. “You don’t have to play.”

I shook my head. Playing was where I felt good, where I felt normal. “I want to.”

We were standing in the back hallway at Ashford’s Steakhouse, the restaurant Reed and Casper’s family owned. They had a small stage here that we liked to play on when we weren’t on tour. It not only brought in more customers to the business and upped their revenue, but it kept us in front of the fans. Here is where we’d try bits and pieces of fresh sounds and lyrics. Test them out to see how fans reacted. When we were home, fans knew we’d occasionally stop in here to eat or play.

Tonight, we let the label and Reed’s family know. They posted on their social media sites to drive more fans here. The mark was hit because the sound coming from inside the restaurant was loud, more so than usual.

Cadence popped into the hallway. She was the restaurant manager, as well as Reed’s sister and Casper’s stepsister. “Are you ready? Greer’s manning the door with Peyton, turning people away. Xaiden had to go outside to get them back from the windows.”

The new album was dropping soon. The label had been teasing about it. One of the songs had already been released and sat at the top of the charts. We would play it at the end of our set tonight.

Reed looked at me. “You good? We don’t have to rush out there.” These guys were the most understanding people on the planet. They didn’t push me to get over my anxiety or tell me it was all in my head. They understood me.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

Tonight wasn’t only about us playing, at least not for me. This was the first time Milo and Cody were going to hear me play live after we, or should I say I, made us official. They sat on stools along the wall near the stage with Tristan and Elic. Romeo was working tonight at Untouchable. Even if he wasn’t, he didn’t like crowds. He’d sit and watch Dash because it meant a lot to my brother, but it would increase his anxiety, which Dash didn’t want.

After we were done with our set, everyone would know I had two boyfriends, like the others in the band. They would push into every corner of Milo’s and Cody’s lives and find whatever morsel they could eat up and spread to the masses.

Cadence nodded and left to go to the stage to announce us. She loved to hype everyone up, getting the diners excited. Her voice floated to the hallway where we were.

Casper leaned his shoulder against mine. “We’ve got your back.”

“Thanks, son.”

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