Page 45 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

That got the moody man to give me half a smile. Casper was the youngest of us. I liked to rib him by calling him son, especially because I was the oldest.

We filed out of the hallway, Dash first, Casper, me, then Reed last. He always got the biggest response. As our main vocalist, Reed was the one fans clamored to get in front of when we did backstage events while on tour or even in the local stadium.

Dash blew a kiss to Tristan, who lit up like the sun. Casper pressed a quick kiss to Elic’s lips on his way by. I couldn’t do the same to Milo and Cody. I had to warm up to it, not that I didn’t want to kiss them. My stomach was already trying to turn inside out with nerves.

Luckily, they knew I was doing my best and this wouldn’t be easy for me. Cody mouthed, “You’ve got this.” Milo said, “Good luck, rock star,” with a grin as I walked by. They made me a little lighter, knowing they were in my corner. Good or bad, they’d be there, steadfast by my side.

Fuck, I was lucky. So much so that as soon as I was on the small stage with my guitar around my neck, I gave them a smile and dipped my head in gratitude. When we were finished playing tonight, I’d be riding high. There would be no better place than with them. We were going back to my house after, and they were staying the night.

Were we moving fast now? Yeah, and I didn’t give a single fuck about it. Sure, the outside world made me a ball of nerves and fear. But inside, I was excited about the possibilities. About what was to come.

Reed spoke to the diners in the restaurant, thanking them for coming, then signaled Dash to start us off. The moment his stick hit the drum, the rest of the world melted away and it was just me and my best friends. I closed my eyes, letting the music take over as my fingers glided over the strings. I didn’t need to see the band or watch the crowd’s reaction. Every chord was ingrained in my mind, as was the voice I had to lend to the song.

My anxiety, which only minutes ago was attempting to rule my life, disappeared. There was no better drug, no better cure than this to get me feeling better. I was exactly where I belonged, where the sounds and songs erased my fear and worries. Where the lights from above heated my skin and warmed me perfectly. We weren’t a new band, having been around for a long time. Every new song, every album, it made us better. And this new one contained pieces of all of us.

Casper gave us pages from his notebook, beautiful lyrics he’d kept to himself before this. Romeo had used journals to help with his anxiety, writing what he felt down on those pages. With Dash and Tristan’s support and Dash’s help, those words turned into lyrics. Haunting music the fans were going to devour. While I usually wrote, the new song about Cody was making an entrance this time. Although late last night, I added a few extra lines to include Milo in it. The guys were more than happy to go down to the studio with me to make the change. Then we’d be done. An album we each poured a piece of our soul into.

One song moved fluidly into the next as we played our hearts out like we did at every show. Reed, the slick fucker he was, even added in the lines for Milo.

The light that radiates from you

The beautiful heart in your chest

You thought you couldn’t do this

Couldn’t commit, couldn’t fit

But you let yourself feel us

Let us keep you close

Now you’re where you belong

In our arms, cherishing your perfect soul

The grin that lit my face couldn’t be hidden. I didn’t want it to be. Those words were for Milo.

My eyes stayed closed, not ready to land on the men I cared about yet. And I did, fuck, did I ever. If I didn’t give a shit about them, my anxiety wouldn’t flare like it did at the thought of them being hurt. My mind wouldn’t spin. I wouldn’t have warned them. But they were there, slowly wrapping around my heart as it beat wildly in my chest from our performance. Soon, it would beat only for them. Once I gave myself fully over to them, there would be no turning back.

Casper and Dash both had solos. Reed belted out the lyrics. I was content to stay in my spot, not to garner more attention just yet. They knew I needed this as much as I did therapy. At least I didn’t turn to drugs or alcohol, though there was something to be said for those damn pot brownies I baked that my brother loved.

Music wasn’t only pumping through my blood. It flooded through every cell in my body. This raw need to play, to give voice to what went on in my head. It was an outlet and where I was free. The others felt the same. It was part of the reason we worked so well together. Our passion drove us when the days were long. When the sun went down and we had to get ready for another show. When all we wanted to do was drop into bed and sleep for a week. This music was love.

I hoped it came across in the new songs. How each one was born from us, from deep inside. So far, the feedback had been amazing. If anyone didn’t like it, the guys kept it from me. Surprisingly, I was fine with that. There was a lot to be said about removing anxiety triggers from my life. Without social media on my phone, a glaring neon sign to open and scroll, to read and dissect, I was lighter.

As Reed finished our final number, I let my eyes slowly open to scan the diners, who were riveted. No one with a fork in their hand or a glass rising to their lips. Their full attention was on us. Casper turned to look at me. The normally moody as hell member of the band wore a smile that couldn’t be concealed, bringing my own out.

God, this was infectious. Knowing I wasn’t alone up here. That they understood and felt it too. We were closer and more in tune than ever. If I had it my way, we’d be doing this for the rest of our lives.

21

CODY

Sexy.

Sinful.

Beautiful.

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