Page 21 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

“If you apologize one more time, I’m going to be forced to find ways to shut you up.” Uh, where the fuck did that come from? And why did I like the idea of bossing Slater around? This larger-than-life man who commanded legions of fans. Having him under my hands was heady.

“Big words.”

“I meant them.”

He dropped his forehead to my stomach and nuzzled his nose along my T-shirt. My cock immediately took interest. Until now I could make it behave. Slater pressing his face to my body, above where my cock was, it was all the signal it needed.

“Cody,” he murmured. “You smell so good.”

It took every ounce of my control not to push his head down. To have him so close yet knowing it wasn’t the time for sex, wasn’t easy, especially after craving him for as long as I had. But Slater was hurting and didn’t need me lusting after him while he was upset.

Using his nose, he pushed my shirt higher until he reached my bare skin. Soft lips and trimmed facial hair brushed over my stomach, making me shiver with want.

“Slater…” This was the purest form of torture. We shouldn’t do this, yet I couldn’t move away. “I don’t want you to touch me because I’m the only one here.”

His gaze lifted to mine again, but his chin stayed resting on my stomach, the hem of my shirt on it. “I know who’s standing in front of me. I know the way you look, the way your hair moves when you turn your head, and how it bounces into your eyes. And I now know your scent. If it were Cas here, I wouldn’t be touching him like this. He’d innocently hold me. You touch me once and I’m ready to come apart.”

My hands went to his cheeks. “I want you down to my very soul, but not when you’re upset.”

“You being here… It scared me at first. My anxiety pushed me from the room, but now that you’re close, I don’t want to let you go. I shouldn’t be touching you like I am.”

“I welcome anything you want to do to me. You have my consent. I’m at your mercy.”

“What if I want to be at yours?”

That time, I let my knees give out, not breaking our contact but unable to stand any longer. Slater didn’t let me go all the way to the floor. Catching me around the waist, he pulled me toward him until I straddled his hips and we fell back to the bed with me over him.

Bracing my hands on either side of his head, I stared into his light blue eyes as they searched mine.

“When I’ve had panic attacks in the past or been depressed, it helps to have someone with me,” he said. “But there hasn’t been anyone I let in this close when I’m like that. I love to touch. I need to know I have someone near me. There’s comfort in it. With you, my body craves more. I don’t want to push you, Cody. Never.”

I groaned and dropped my forehead to his, closing my eyes, unable to take the torture in his while I gathered my thoughts. “What are we doing? Just days ago you told me I was too young, and you weren’t good for me.”

“Those things still exist. There are nineteen years between us. Today you saw how I get.”

“And I want you more.”

“Cody…”

“Don’t push me away,” I repeated the words, hoping to cement them into his head.

“I can’t, but I don’t know if I can give you what you need.”

Lifting my head, I looked at him again, at the fear coursing through him. He was so scared he was going to hurt me. Where did that leave us though? I didn’t want to get into something, only for him to think it was too much and walk away. I had to protect my heart until I knew he would stay. That he could love me like I needed.

“Let me take care of you,” I said, testing the words, wondering if I was making a smart decision.

“What do you mean?”

“You want to be touched and I want to touch you. What if, instead of searching others out when you’re in the middle of a panic attack, you come to me, or I come to you? Lean on me. Let me help you through them.”

Fuck, I was so desperate for him I would do just about anything. If he’d looked at me with cold eyes or wanted nothing but sex, I doubted I’d give in. I could see the raw need in his eyes. I could feel his desire pressed between us. He was hard for me, although he wouldn’t let himself fully give in. The words were still there, a reminder of our age difference and how Slater saw himself.

“What you’re offering is too much,” he whispered.

“Let me be the judge of that. I want to make you feel good. I want to chase away your demons and replace them with memories of how much I desire you.”

“You want to make this about sex?”

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