Page 1 of Ballads of Lines Blurred

PROLOGUE

SLATER

How many nights had I come here and done this exact thing? Sat at a table in the darkened room, a glass of water in front of me, music vibrating off the walls and through the floor beneath my feet?

I’d tried to go to bed with someone over a month ago. I could barely get it up. The only reason I did was because I pictured a man I shouldn’t. One who was far too young for me. Yet, he was still stuck in my head. His bright smile that lifted to his eyes. The way his curly brown hair moved when he did, giving him a boyish charm, I was helpless to resist.

“Give it up for Diesel!” the deejay said into his microphone, pulling me from my thoughts.

Lifting my eyes, I watched as Diesel left the stage. He was a good-looking guy who danced like I’d never seen someone his size do. Massive arms and legs, rippled with muscle, he was hot. Except, I wasn’t the least bit turned on, which was probably smart since he was taken by another dancer and one of the guards.

Untouchable had become a second home to me. I really needed to find a hobby. Watching men strip down to a G-string wasn’t entertaining any longer. In fact, my eyes drifted to the deejay more times than not. At least he couldn’t see me watching him from where I sat, though occasionally, his gaze would meet mine like he could sense my eyes on him.

Milo was the deejay on shift the first night my band, Ruined & Relinquished, played here. We rarely performed live for clubs like this, but Dexen Dremest, the owner, was a friend of ours. Plus, he wrote us a sizable check.

That was the night my brother, Dash, met Romeo, a dancer. Dash had been perpetually single before that. He’d developed a crush on another man, then Romeo entered his life. Dash had double the feelings. Now Dash, Romeo, and Tristan were committed to each other and blissfully in love.

They weren’t the only ones with hearts in their eyes. My other two band members, Casper and Reed, were beyond gone for each other and Elic, who was the third in their relationship.

All around me people were happy. And here I sat, with a still full glass of water in front of me, club members near me seeking entertainment, and music pumping so loud I was surprised I didn’t get a headache. I’d learned the longer I sat here, the more likely that was.

A hand landing on my shoulder caused me to jump and turn, peering up at Dexen. “Can I sit?”

I slouched again and nodded. “Your club.”

He pulled out a chair and sat facing me, one elbow on the table. His crisp white button-down pulled taut over his arm as he leaned close. Dexen wasn’t a small or weak man. The ones who entered the club knew better than to test him. “What’s going on, Slater? Don’t get me wrong, I love that you finally joined my club, but weeks have gone by, and you’ve shown up more and more. You don’t get private dances. You don’t drink. And every week you look worse. Even my dancers stopped trying to flirt with you, our resident rock star. Talk to me.”

Not being one to speak about my emotions outside of my brother and closest friends, I was surprised to find I wanted to talk to Dexen. Tracing my finger along the sweat on the glass, I kept my focus there, not wanting to see the pity on his face when he heard my words. “I can’t drink. The meds I’m on for my anxiety don’t mix with it. Why I’m here… I’m not sure where else to be when I’m not working. Everyone I’m close with is off doing their own things. They should be, but I’m not part of that. If I told Dash how I felt, he’d drop everything to include me. I don’t want him to do that. I have to keep busy or my mind drifts and my anxiety flares. It’s a fucking mess.”

What I didn’t say was I was a fucking mess. Who would want me beyond a quick round in bed or against a wall? Sure, I was wealthy, had adoring fans all over the world who loved our music, and had a support system I was eternally grateful for. Still, I sat in the dark recesses of the club, lonely as hell and hollow, wondering if I was destined for more than this. What good was having what I did if it left me empty?

“Do you want to go to my office to talk?” he asked. “Away from the noise?”

Lifting my eyes, they automatically found Milo again. The grin he wore while he did the job he obviously loved was infectious. Even in my shit mood, the corner of my lips twitched.

Dexen rapped his knuckles on the table to pull me back to our conversation. “I love Milo, but he thinks with his dick.”

I shook my head, my hair falling onto my forehead. “Maybe a quick fuck is what I need.”

“Maybe. Or it will make you feel worse. He asks about you.”

Unable to help it, I glanced Dexen’s way again, my heart picking up speed in my chest. There was a person I hoped he was talking about, even though I shouldn’t. “Who?”

“You know who. He turned twenty a couple days ago.”

“Cody is your brother’s son.”

“You’re right. He’s Xaiden’s son and Val’s and Corbin’s. They’re protective of him, as we all are. But I see what they struggle with. Cody’s not a child anymore. He’s an adult who hasn’t wavered in his feelings for you.”

I went to open my mouth to refute what he said, but Dexen kept going.

“Dom mentioned you’d been coming here, and Cody overheard.” Dominic was also a dancer here as well as part of Dexen’s extended family. “One could argue Dom knew damn well what he was doing since we all noticed you looking at Cody at the club that night. We also caught the way he watched you. Or maybe Dom realized it’s not an infatuation Cody has, but something deeper. Something you might feel too.”

“There’s a nineteen-year age gap between us. It’s not small.”

“So? Val is twenty-six years younger than Xaiden. They work just fine.”

My head tipped back so I could stare at the shadowed ceiling. Dexen wasn’t saying anything I didn’t know. I kept coming to Untouchable to remind myself I was too old for Cody. I wasn’t good for him. He needed someone younger. Someone who would want to go out and have fun. Who didn’t suffer from crippling anxiety like I did. Someone like Milo. “Maybe you should introduce Cody to your deejay.”

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