Page 81 of Not in a Million Years

‘And don’t talk with your mouth full.’

Meeting each other’s eyes, we dissolved into giggles.

‘It’s okay, I can cut the laughter,’ Daniel said. ‘Come on, you’re doing great.’

I cleared my throat. ‘I need your hard cock! Fuck me, baby.’

‘Ride me like a cowgirl. Ah, yes! Your pussy is so wet.’

‘You’re so big.’ Which, I recalled with a frisson, was true. ‘Harder! Harder! More!’

‘Take it!’ Daniel bellowed. ‘I know you can take it! That’s my girl!’

‘Give it to me!’ I yelled. ‘Give me all your hot spunk!’

Daniel moaned at top volume, and I followed suit. We oohed and aahed and gasped and exclaimed. And all the time, we didn’t break eye contact. Part of me wanted to collapse into laughter again at our hammy performance – but a bigger part was intensely, powerfully aroused by the fantasy we were creating and the real memories it evoked. I could almost feel his body pressed against mine, his hair on my face, his sweat mingling with mine.

‘Yes!’ I screamed. ‘YES YES YES!’

‘YES!’ Daniel echoed. ‘Oh fuck YES!’

We kept it going until I felt like my vocal cords would give out – until, at last, we both subsided into gasps that were genuine, spent not just in our charade but in reality.

‘That’ll do.’ Daniel stopped the recording.

I reached across the bench and we high-fived. And then we turned back towards the doorway. Silhouetted against the light from the flat, Andy was watching us. I had no idea how long he’d been there.

He broke into applause. ‘Bravo! I have absolutely no idea what that was about, but if practice makes perfect, you two are clearly nailing it.’

Thirty

Then

2010–2015

After the night I returned home to find Andy and Daniel in my flat, things eventually returned to some sort of stability.

At least, after the initial fallout, which was nothing short of nuclear. I prided myself on being quite an even-tempered person, but that night I went absolutely ballistic at the two of them.

I remember freezing in the doorway, taking in the scene, and saying, ‘What the fuck is going on here?’

‘We’re just having a chilled night in, Katie babe,’ Andy said, apparently having decided his best defence was just to front it out. ‘Why don’t you join us? Our Daniel makes a mean manhattan.’

‘I don’t want a bloody cocktail. What do you think you’re doing? You’ve been clean for months and now you’re—’

‘Chill out,’ Andy said. ‘It’s Friday. We’re just letting off some steam after a busy week. Looks like you’ve had a few yourself.’

Which was true, of course. ‘So what if I have? I’m not the one with a substance abuse problem.’

‘And who decides that?’ Andy snapped. ‘Just who are you to say that it’s fine for you to go out and get shitfaced with your mates, but we can’t hang out here and have a few drinks?’

‘It’s more than a few drinks. Don’t try and tell me you haven’t been using, because I know you have. I’m not stupid. And as for you’ – I rounded furiously on Daniel – ‘what the hell are you playing at? Why did you let this happen?’

‘Kate, calm down.’ Daniel stood up, swayed slightly, and came over and took my arm, steering me into my bedroom. I was suddenly conscious of his height, his strength, the fact that even with the adrenaline of rage and shock coursing through me, there was no way I could resist him physically.

He sat us both down on the bed. ‘Deep breaths, Kate. Come on. Flying off the handle isn’t going to achieve anything.’

‘Don’t tell me to calm down, and don’t play the responsible adult with me. Do you understand what you’ve done here?’

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