Page 94 of Dare to be Different

He asked when I was going to start trusting it. Well, right fucking now.

I pull his body in tight, crushing our mouths together to turn this tease into an actual kiss. He moans against my lips before getting needy enough to take charge. Mouths connected, Zahn pushes me to the side, forcing me to lie down with him on top of me. I don’t fucking care because the way his body feels against mine, all over me, hard and hot and sexy as all fuck, is proof of the vibe we create together. He’s right. Whatever label I want to slap on us, it doesn’t change the fact that we’re just Zahn and Remy, like we’ve always been with a bunch more added on top to make it even better.

“Fuck, Rem,” he rasps against my lips. “This is all the vibe I could ever want. Holy shit.”

That’s how things get heated. I might have fucked up the prospect of sex for the night, but I’m learning all the different ways there are to be connected to Zahn, and my god, they’re all turning out to be better than the last.

With Zahn above me, I lose my composure. I grab his ass and grind him on my body, lifting my head to do something I’ve never done before—lick his taut pecs. I suck a mark into the one without a tattoo, losing my composure even more. When Zahn moans, I suck his nipple into my mouth and start to pant.

“Jesus.” He groans, fisting my hair to keep me there. His dick ruts against mine, bringing back memories from his bedroom floor after my crash. But I don’t want to be submissive this time. He got to be on top before, and now that I’m more comfortable with what I want, what we are, and where this is going, it’s my turn to take charge.

I flip us over. It isn’t coordinated, and a throw pillow gets all wedged in between us, but when Zahn blinks up at me, the hint of a smirk on his lips that don’t know if they want to grin or part in shock, I realize we really do have the power to create our own energy.

I rock against him. With boxers between us and nothing else clouding my mind, I let myself go through the motions. I thrust my dick, roll my hips, clench my ass. I feel what it’s going to feel like to fuck him, and the sensation of it has me equal parts rowdy to just do it and regretful that I fucked it up tonight.

“This.” Zahn grabs my ass, using his hands to control my pace, my movements, and the friction between us. “This is why we work, Remy. This. Right fucking here.”

I lean forward to kiss him, swept up in exactly what he means. We’re fucking without fucking. We’re more intimate than we’ve ever been. We’re burning for each other like we’ve never burned for anyone else. A lifetime of knowing each other has brought us to this moment.

As our bodies work together and our mouths wander, never disconnected from each other’s skin, I start to wonder if you can make love to someone without knowing if you even love them like that. Or without actually fucking.

Chapter 38

Sitting around the table with my family, listening to the ridiculous recaps of their day, I fall into a state of overthinking. Again. This is new, and I don’t appreciate it. I’m not an introspective person, but things are changing at such a rapid pace that it has forced me to take it all in, mull it over, compare myself to my brothers, and wonder—for the first real time—what the actual fuck I want out of life.

They’re all progressing, and maybe I am too.

Kolt and Bass are taking a series of survival and mountaineering courses over the next few months in order to be certified to take guests on overnight trips. Those two are mountain boys through and through, and trekking through the wilderness, climbing, and leading expeditions is their calling. People come from all over to climb with them, and the demand is so high that Mom and Dad are starting to look into hiring someone else to help out.

Liam and Dom are officially moving in together. Which makes me feel better because Liam is finally leaving his shitty apartment and horrible roommate who is still a using addict. It’s not good for Liam to be around him, but it’s going to be a wake-up call to learn to live off-grid with Dom.

Laken, Jed, and Kade are about ready to move back into their renovated house, but Laken says the internet is better here, so they’ll be back a lot.

Four and Gen are currently looking for a bigger place, even though Gen is hesitant because she doesn’t know if she can afford it yet. Can’t believe Four is giving up his bachelor pad, but shit, he hit the jackpot with Genevieve. They’re living here until they find a new place.

Hardin and Freya have no fucking clue what they’re doing, so they’ve decided to stay here until they figure their shit out. Freya has enough on her mind with the baby coming, and even though she’s fierce and fiery, she’s nervous as hell about parenthood. And she’s taking it out on Hardin in the form of aggressive sex and mood swings. Kinda think he loves it.

Bo and Nina already have a place of their own, but planning their wedding has been a stressor for them because neither of them wants to do it.

Rydan is busy with the fishing boat he owns, but him and Maddyn aren’t at the phase where they want to live together. Not even sure they’ve said the L-word yet.

The point is that everyone is changing and moving forward, and up until it started happening, I never thought I’d be one of them. I was grateful and excited to be the solo entity, letting myself drift and wander to whatever called my attention. But now Remy…

What does moving forward in life even look like for me? I’m not dumb enough to disregard that I want Remy in my life as… mine, but I haven’t figured out the rest. Where am I going to live? What will our label be? Kids? All that shit? Why have I never thought about this before? How would we even have a kid if we wanted one? Adopt? Knock up a random chick?

Yeah, probably not the random chick idea…

Dom nudges my shoulder. “Did you and Rem…?”

I shake my head, not wanting to talk about it. This doesn’t jive with my lackadaisy attitude, but shit. Sex has never been a big deal, but it is now. It is because it means something more than a physical act, and I’ve never dealt with that.

“Why not? I thought after the fight you’d be all… ready.”

I am ready. We’re both ready. But I think we’re taking the time to appreciate the magnitude of what it all means and how it even happened. How we got here.

Do I even still crave variety? I mean, maybe on occasion, but overall… no. Which is so fucked up! And I have this weird feeling that even if we do invite someone else in again, my mind and my body will be all on Remy, which I’m fine with, but… maybe he’ll turn into the wild one and I’ll get jealous. Shit. Yeah, I’m the possessive one. Wow.

My middle name went from No Limits to Possessive of Remy Rivers.

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