Page 93 of Dare to be Different

“Get what? Sick of you?” he scoffs. “I’m the one who got possessive. I’m the one who asked you not to be with anyone else. I’m the one that told you not to make me a Sarah. If you think this is anything less than a monogamous fucking relationship, Remy, you’re dumb as fuck. We’ve already crossed all the emotional lines. We’ve only got verbal ones and physical ones left.”

He’s right, but I’m not convinced. “You’re telling me that I’m gonna be enough for you?”

His eyes roam my body without shame. “Mhm.”

I want to growl at him. He’s sitting there all sexy and erect, and I’m over here thinking about the chances of getting a broken heart versus the forever life with him I’m starting to want. Before, when we were just best friends, a life together was a guarantee. Now there's a risk to it. Hearts can shatter, feelings can get hurt, and dreams can misalign. He’s never wanted a forever relationship, and I have, so what path forward are we moving on? Where’s the fork in the road?

“What if the sex is so good you never want variety anymore?” I mean, he’s mentioned closing our doors and only cracking them open occasionally, but now I’m self-conscious that maybe I’m not gonna tick all his boxes. But I’m also worried we’re gonna love it, and that permanently closing that door is going to freak us out. Like the option to keep it open is the only thing making this less daunting.

“Then we fuck and fuck and fuck and be goddamn happy about it. I knew you were cocky, Rem, but this is next-level.” He grins at me.

I want to tell him to fuck off, but instead, I say, “We’re best friends! We have no idea how to be in a relationship that isn’t friendship. We’re gonna fuck this all up, and then our whole lives are doomed because we are literally tied together in every way possible.”

Zahn sits up, not at all phased by my freakout. Aiming those green eyes at me, he says, “We’re sitting around discussing sex and relationships like mature people, Rem. While mostly naked and extremely hard. This surpassed friendship a long time ago. I don’t typically do the whole feelings thing, but here I am, comfortable enough with you to lay it all out there. And you know what else I’m comfortable telling you?” he asks.

“What?”

“That I think about life with you. That I get excited to see you. That I worry about you when you fly. That I look forward to the next time we shower together, have coffee over the counter, watch lame shows that you love and I hate, and that I sleep better with you next to me. That already makes this a relationship, Remy. I never thought about those things before. Sure, I thought about going out together or getting up to shit together, but never those little things.” He gets up, pushing on my chest to lean me back. Standing between my legs, he adds, “I wanna be the one who keeps your wood stove burning, Rem.”

Goddamn him!

“We’re just a couple of loyal assholes who somehow got into a relationship without fully realizing it.” He smirks. “Be monogamous with my pathetic ass.”

I pull his pathetic ass onto my lap. His knees frame my thighs and my hands knead his ass, bringing him down until he sits on my legs and his boner presses against my abs. Unafraid, I meet his eyes and see vulnerable truth in them. He means what he said, but he’s still the guy who hates labels, so naturally, I’m going to fuck with him.

“So, we’re boyfriends?”

He scoffs.

“Fuck buddies?”

He rolls his eyes.

“Partners?”

“In crime,” he says like a smooth bastard. “We’re us, Remy. Whatever the fuck that means, however you want it to sound, in whatever way you need to slap labels on us, we’re just me and you. Now let’s fuck.”

I want to. Fuck, do I ever want to. But again, maybe it’s more than a quick fuck to me. It means something. Something pretty fucking big.

“Do you feel this?” he asks, sliding his hands up my abs and chest, wrapping them around my neck. I shiver all over. “It’s chemistry. We have it.”

“You have it with everyone. Remember the whole vibes and atmosphere thing you kept going on about?”

He grins. “Yeah. The vibe is always sexy when there are multiple people fucking, loud music, booze involved, and a build-up that gets my blood pumping. You see any of that here? Where’s the music, Rem? You drunk? Are there people fucking on the floor over there?” He tilts my chin up, eyes on mine. “We built this vibe. You and me. Nothing else. When are you going to start trusting it?” He grinds on my lap, making my breath hitch. “Fuck, Remy. You’re the whole fucking atmosphere.”

My heart thumps in my chest, making my blood rush and my fingers dig into his hips. “You don’t need the rest? I’m enough?”

Zahn leans forward, lips brushing mine to prove a point. He isn’t even kissing me, but the temperature of our burning bodies heats the living room. Tingles spread over my skin, my toes curl into the rug beneath my feet, and every muscle in my body strains and relaxes in tandem. When he runs his tongue over my bottom lip, everything amplifies. My dick throbs against his, my eager hands pull him closer, and his blunt nails dig into the back of my neck.

“This is the rest,” he rasps against my mouth. “We just fucking created it all on our own. Don’t you feel it?”

Oh, I fucking feel it. Up until this very moment, I still doubted that I’d be able to give him the energy and atmosphere he always chased. But holy hell, we don’t need to chase it when we fucking make it.

“And if it’s the monogamy thing you’re worried about, we can still keep that door wedged open,” he says, rocking on my lap. His lips move to my ear, and he whispers, “Imagine how fucking hot those hookups will be if we have the option to fuck each other.”

“Fuck,” I groan, giving in to the point he’s trying to make.

Because the point is already solidified. I went from being straight to diving into the deep end of Zahn-sexuality. I went from being too awkward to hook up at random houses to following this prick anywhere and everywhere because he’s always been my stasis. From being unclear about my fantasies to having so much clarity, I can’t stop thinking about them. We have chemistry, like he said, and it’s the most potent thing I’ve ever experienced.

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