Page 24 of Dare to be Different

Chapter 10

This loser barges his way back in almost an hour later and doesn’t even say anything. I’m sitting on the couch, watching Netflix because I’m too revved up to sleep, and he just storms right in and starts pouring himself more drinks. He brings a second glass and the bottle of whiskey to the living room, sitting on the other couch in a silent brood.

Have at it, bud. Be a moody bitch all you want.

“I’m an asshole. I know,” he eventually says. He takes a gulp, thinks better of it, and finishes the whole glass. “You just know shit about me now, and I’m all freaked out that it’s going to freak you out.” He fills his glass as well as the second one and slides it across the sofa table as an offering. “I’m afraid you’re going to go along with this just because we’re friends and you want to keep this hookup thing going, but I’m even more afraid that you’re gonna regret it because I’m… me.”

Alright, time to put this prick in his place. I take a gulp for courage, enjoy the burn of the whiskey down my throat, and wait a moment just to make him sweat.

“Look, Zahn.” I kick my feet onto the table to keep this casual. “You’ve always been you, and nothing about it has given me any regrets so far. You think this is going to change that?”

“I don’t know,” he admits.

“We’ve been open and mostly honest—except your lie by omission, you dick—for our whole sexual careers.” I laugh. We used to call them that when we were in our teens.

He toasts to that with a Dare grin on his face, chasing away some of the worry lines.

“I’ve always known you to be wild. You honestly think that if I was as vanilla as you assume, I’d be comfortable hooking up in the same room as you? I’m not vanilla and you know it. You’re just using this sexuality shock as an excuse because you’re the one freaked out by it. Not me.” I level him with a look. “I mean, look at all the shit we’ve done together. We’ve always talked about a threesome where we’re both with the same girl, so you honestly didn’t think our dicks would touch?”

“Yeah, I did,” he admits, laughing. “But I figured it’d be all about her. This was about us. Us… touching. Doesn’t it weird you out now that you know I’m open to guys?”

Ah. That’s what’s throwing him off. He thinks I’m gonna get weird about it because he isn’t straight. Well, fuck that. “It doesn’t change shit for me, Zahn. But I think you got in my head a bit.” I grin at him.

“About what?” He kicks his feet up and crosses his ankles, more at ease now.

“Like you fucked with my head and now it wants what you want! It was fun the other night, but as soon as she wanted to go into the bathroom, it wasn’t as fun. I wanted her out there with you guys. The vibe thing. I get it now.”

Zahn laughs. “Welcome to the dark side.”

Kind of excited to be here. “Are we over this shit? No more getting weird about sex stuff and calling brothers in the middle of the night, yeah?”

“As long as you’re sure this isn’t different for you now. I’m me, but you’re still my best friend, and the last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.” His green eyes look at me, trying to be serious even though he sucks at being serious.

“Pull your head out of your ass, Zahn. I asked you to be my fuck buddy wingman because you’re the one who makes me feel comfortable. That hasn’t changed. Kind of excited to see you get kinky with a guy.” I smirk.

A weird look flashes across his face, but his grin wipes it away. “Okay, but I won’t sugarcoat shit for you.”

“Good. Never do that. Let’s go to this sex toy party and move on. Go fucking wild, Zahn.” Because I can’t wait to see it.

I never want him to hide anything from me.

The drive to Anchorage consists of Zahn sleeping because his flight didn’t get back on time, which gives me a lot of time to think and smoke.

I’ve come up with a few conclusions to big questions.

One, my mind really isn’t all fairytales. Ever since this whole wingman agreement started, I’ve noticed that the things I desire, the things I fantasize about, and the things I crave are becoming more and more… vast. I do like the thrill of the chase and the game of securing a hookup; I just needed Zahn there with me to make it all comfortable and fun. I enjoy the variety, the spontaneity of playing a situation to our benefit, and the experiences we get because of the system we’ve created together. I like pleasing people with him, and I like the way it feels to work together to bring someone else pleasure.

Two, it really doesn’t throw me off at all that Zahn is open. I mean, sure, it shocked me because I didn’t know about it. But now that I’m thinking back, maybe I did know and I was just waiting for him to announce it or something. I mean, he’s Zahn Dare, Mr. No Limits, and I don’t know why I thought gender would ever be a limit for him.

It hurt that he didn’t tell me, but maybe that’s on me and not him. He’s not the type who’d want some sort of coming out. He just is who he is and isn’t apologetic about it. But now it’s also put me in a position where I’m analyzing myself, trying to figure out who I am and what I’m into. I’m enjoying the mindfuck of it so far.

Three, Zahn is my common denominator. In my thoughts, my life, and my plans. Whatever I’m doing, plotting, or thinking, I include Zahn in it. Without even meaning to, I’m putting him in that role Cara and Cody talked about. The one I want to experience everything with. My common denominator. But how the hell do I tell him that because we’re just friends, not lovers?

For as long as we’ve been friends, I’ve developed a level of love for him that doesn’t compare to anything or anyone else. I have a bond with him that is stronger than my bond with anyone from my own family. It’s a different kind of love. One that comes with understanding, acceptance, and respect for the things we’re still learning and figuring out. It’s the ability to be afraid together and shameless about new things. There are no judgments, and no matter the situation, we’ve always got each other’s backs. Always. It’s the one thing in life I can always depend on. Zahn might have that with all his brothers, but for me, he’s the only one I share that level of trust with.

Friendship. Family. The business. Our bond. It’s everything I lean on. It’s our past mixed into our future, and I don’t know where I’d be without him.

If it weren’t for Zahn and the rest of the Dares, I probably wouldn’t be so into voyeurism. I mean, they’re fucking ridiculous with it, and I used to think it was a bit much because they’re brothers and they fuck in such close proximity to one another. Weird, right? But then Zahn explained it to me. He said it’s not about finding other people attractive or being turned on by them. It’s about the atmosphere and the comfort level and the sounds and energies that come along with it. Other people in pleasure are an aphrodisiac to him, and to be honest, I totally get that now.

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