Page 79 of Goodbye Note

I knew I didn’t want to let go.

“I’m scared of heights! I don’t want to go up there,” I said offhandedly, letting him drag me closer to the ride simply to keep our hands joined.

“You’re not saying no.”

“What does ‘I don’t want to’ say to you?” I asked when he turned around, taking my other hand while walking backward.

Varian got quiet, and his feet slowed to a stop but a grin edged around his mouth. “I won’t make you, but I want to go on.” He loosened his grip on my hands, but I didn’t want him to.

“I’ll go.” My heart beat so hard it freed itself from my chest and lodged in my throat. I told myself it was because of my fear of heights, but I knew I was lying as I stepped foot in that metal box, my hand still in Varian’s.

We took our seats and dread set in.

I pulled at my shirt, too warm even in the cool night breeze. Lights spun around us, rides and games whirling, but I couldn’t focus anywhere but the guy who sat in front of me. I rubbed my hands together when he released me, my palms sweaty.

“You okay?” He bit his bottom lip and glanced from my hands to my face.

“I’ll survive.” I put on a brave face, forcing a smile to my lips.

“I don’t believe you.” He lifted his chin, leveling his gaze at me.

“You don’t believe I’ll survive?” I laughed, shaking my head, but instantly stopped as the wheel lurched forward.

“Not by the way you’re acting.”

“What? I’m fine.” I swallowed, still trying to get my damn heart out of my throat.

“Your death grip on the seat says otherwise.” He nodded at my hands.

I hadn’t even realized my fingers were pressed into the metal. I pried them off one by one, going back to rubbing them, but then we rocked. The sickening swing, like the whole damn thing was about to capsize, made my stomach flip.

Warmth pressed in next to me, and Varian’s arm slipped around my shoulders as he squeezed into the tiny bench beside me. “I’m sorry.” He rested his chin on my shoulder.

“No, you’re not,” I managed, still not willing to look out the windows, but the whole damn thing was glass. Nowhere was safe, so I looked at him instead, but we were way too close. I hadn’t realized. I couldn’t look away.

“I’m a little sorry, but this is nice.” He grinned like he could light up the whole sky.

“Is it?” There was the heart in the throat thing again, and the lightheadedness, and none of it made sense.

“I think so…” He chewed his cheek.

“Me too.” I inhaled slowly, nostrils filling with vanilla, the fresh scent of my body wash, and a hint of sweat.

He searched my face, the lines around his scar relaxing as his anxiety eased, then morphing, pulling into a smile I was happy to see.

I shifted, sending the whole car swinging. “Fuck. See why I hate these?”

“Just focus on me,” he whispered right behind my ear.

My entire body sparked with it. A meteor shower in my mind.

What the fuck was I feeling?

I’d never felt this way with anyone else.

Heat from his skin burned against mine, awaking parts of me I didn’t know existed. Warmth crept into my chest. I might not know a lot of things, but I knew I didn’t want to be anywhere he wasn’t.

The ride jerked to a stop, sending the car rocking again. I gripped his shirt.

---