Page 74 of Goodbye Note

“Why not? You’ve got to be exhausted.”

“I have a hard time sleeping. I always have.” I lifted my shoulders, not wanting him to think it was a big deal.

“What causes it?”

“Night terrors and sleep paralysis.” My voice sounded sanitized, but after years of doctors and pills, I hated talking about it.

“I used to get night terrors a lot too. They don’t give you meds?”

“They did, but I don’t take them. I hate the way they make me feel the next day.” I exhaled, waiting for the judgment that was coming. I’d had too many people tell me to just suck it up, that I’d be more mentally ill without sleep, but the truth was, I’d rather feel like this than drugged out.

“I get that. They made me really tired and kinda numb.”

I nodded. “I’d rather be tired than numb.”

“For sure.” He got up, moving to my sofa and sitting down next to me.

“Don’t stay up on my account,” I protested, but he laid his head in my lap.

“I’m not.” He rolled over to face my stomach. “Is this okay?”

What did I even say to that?

an update on the road

a night i’ll never forget

a day Worth writing home About

but siNce my letTers get Marked ‘return to sender,’

i’ll deliver them straight to your inbox

best friends

u & me soaked to the bone

those fucking leather pants

summer nights i don’t want to end

every atom draws me to you

quantum entangled got me wondering if anything is real

got me doubting i know me at all.

maybe i’m wrong about it all and this is what life is worth living for?

Or maybe i’m just drunk Rambling

and in the End is there a difference?

are we more truthful with inhibitions stripped away?

TWENTY-ONE

ARIK

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