Page 68 of Goodbye Note

“Not many private places on a bus to take care of it, either. It’s been days since I jacked off. I need to rub one out in the shower later. Not like I can even do it in my bunk.”

Fuck.

“I don’t even feel comfortable doing it in the shower on our bus. Maybe if everyone was passed out…” I could barely breathe. How were we even talking about this?

“Have you in your bunk while everyone was asleep?”

“No… Have you?”

“No, but I’ve thought about it a lot.” Arik listened. “No one’s on the bus right now. Maybe we should be like Kiernan and Hael in the back lounge.”

What was he saying?

How did I even reply to that?

TWENTY

ARIK

Why did I like that he was here and hard? I had to unpack some of these feelings, but I didn’t know how. Every time I tried to talk about it, it felt like Varian got distant. We’d barely spent any time together over the last two days. I needed to get my head on straight and figure out what I was feeling, but it didn’t help that he looked fucking horrified by my suggestion. Did I turn him off that much?

“Or maybe I should just get laid.” I tried to correct our course. Was I making it weird? It felt like I was making it fucking weird. Varian kept tripping over his words. Was he still drunk?

Maybe it was all in my head.

“Is that what you want?” he asked carefully. I hated when he got like this. After everything we shared, the kitten gloves felt like hell.

“I don’t know what I want. I’m too horny to think straight. Seems like you are too.” Maybe that would get him talking?

“Thought you said it was natural.” He laughed, playing it off.

“Sure, but a good fuck would help.” I stared at him, but he wouldn’t look into my eyes.

“Arik!” Kiernan yanked open the curtain on my bunk.

I hadn’t even heard him come in. “What?”

“Your single just went number one,” Kiernan said with all the glee of a little kid.

It took a full five seconds for it to register. I flopped out of my bunk to search his face. “Are you being serious?”

His smile stretched so wide it had to be the truth. “I am. Congratulations, man.” He squeezed my shoulder. “I got to go find the other guys.”

“Fuck,” I said, half collapsing against the wall.

Varian slid out of the bunk, elated. “Dude. Do you know how big that is?”

“I’m in shock.”

Varian grinned, letting me take it in.

“We need to go celebrate!” I didn’t move. I couldn’t stop looking at him.

“Shit. I am going to be so hungover tomorrow.” He scrubbed a hand over his face. “But since I already have a headache coming on, I might as well start back up to stave it off.”

I looked at him for another second before jumping at him to hug him. “I have a fucking number one single.”

“I’m so happy for you.” The way Varian looked at me. I’d never get over it. Like real-life heart-eyes. “Let’s go grab a drink. What do you want? I’ll buy it for you.”

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