Page 62 of Goodbye Note

“Do you ever think about doing anything other than this?”

He didn’t answer right away. “No, I’ve wanted this since my parents dropped me off with my grandparents for the first time when I was four years old. They told me I was too old to tour with them, more like they were burned out from having my brother and I with them. He was five. I guess he remembers it being a lot worse than I do. I don’t know. But I begged them to take me whenever they came through town.”

“And you like touring now that you’re doing it?”

“I love it. I hate being at home. I hate the monotony of it. I miss the high of being onstage. I miss the traveling. The exploring. The people. Even showering at truck stops before we had a bus was worth it.” He almost sounded dreamy, but his words hit home.

“No settling down for you, then.”

“No, I don’t see it. Maybe when I’m old.” Varian laughed. “But I doubt it. What about for you? I know this is your first major tour. What do you think.”

“It has its ups and downs. I was getting lonely, but last night was nice.”

“Yeah?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” I replied, grabbing my bar of soap and rubbing it over my skin.

“I like that.”

“Which part?” I asked after I finished washing my face.

“That it was nice. That it made you feel good.” He said it so nonchalant. Easy.

Everything was easy with Varian. I’d never had anything like it. Every other relationship in my life was hard. Why did everything else have to be so difficult while he was here, proving shit could be easy?

Easy felt so fucking nice.

I brushed my teeth and then turned off the water. Quick was the name of the game. There was only so much water in these tanks. “I forgot my towel. Can you hand it to me.” I reached my hand out, and the cotton found my fingers. I dried off as best I could, then wrapped it around my waist.

When I pulled the curtain back, he was right there, making my heart jump into my throat.

We stepped the same way.

“Fuck.” I stayed to the side and gestured for him to move past me. He stayed where he was, stripping off his clothes. I caught sight of a flash of morning wood when he pushed off his boxers. I couldn’t help myself—my gaze lingered.

He was impressive. Thick, with a huge vein up the side.

Why did I look? Why did I want to keep looking?

He cleared his throat.

Fuck. Had he seen me looking?

I moved in quick time, going to the sink. I pressed both hands into it. I’d broken guy code. What the fuck had I been doing? I looked in the mirror, catching his gaze. He hadn’t stepped into the shower yet.

He smiled, and I noticed the permanent marker still under his collarbones.

“That’s never going to come off.”

He glanced down. “Maybe not. Val told me to use alcohol.”

“Why didn’t you?” I asked breathlessly.

He lifted his shoulders and then tugged the curtain shut.

What had gotten into me?

I’d never felt for a friend like I did for him, and I didn’t know what that meant.

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