Page 59 of Goodbye Note

I froze, groggy, barely coming to. I was stiff and my arm was asleep. Not quite human in the way only a deep sleep leaves you.

Where had I fallen asleep?

The possibilities were endless after the life we’d led on tour.

But it all flooded back to me, whispers from the universe of what happiness tastes like.

I didn’t move, pretending to be asleep, waiting for him to say something or shift away again. But Arik didn’t move. He rolled, pressing in closer, stomach pressed into my side. I fought a smile, wary he could see it in the low light. I didn’t dare slip and alert him to my waking.

“I got to piss.”

“I’ll get up,” I said with a groan, shifting to get my muscles working again.

“No.” He put an arm over me to prevent any motion. “Did we stop moving yet?”

I listened, but after days on the road, my body felt more akin to driving than at rest. “I can’t tell.”

“What time is it even?”

“How would I know? Time doesn’t exist with the curtain drawn.” I yawned through my words. “I need some coffee.” I tried to move again, but he tightened his grip. “Not letting me out?”

“Five more minutes, Mom,” he teased. “Do you hear anyone else out there?”

My stomach dropped. “Want me to sneak out?”

“No, I want to know if someone’s made a pot of coffee.” He picked up his head, peering at me in the dark. “You want to sneak out?”

“No. I don’t care. Will anyone…” I didn’t know how to ask what I wanted to ask. I tightened my fingers on the soft silk of the pillowcase like the fabric could save me.

“What?” He flopped to his back, pointing his toes, lifting his arms above his head.

It didn’t break the contact of our bodies. It brought him closer, more in my space. Two guys crowded into a twin bed, shoulder to shoulder. We were squeezed in, and I’d never been happier.

“Will any of them care?”

“About what?” Confusion colored his tone.

“Us in here…all day…”

“Why would they care?” he asked again.

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” It felt stupid, and I turned my face into the pillow, not wanting to face the shame.

Arik started laughing. “I’m just giving you a hard time.”

I shoved him. “Fuck off.”

“Nah, they’re cool like your band. They don’t give a shit what we do as long as we aren’t keeping everyone else awake.” He put his lips next to my ear. “Unless you’re locking yourself in the back lounge, hogging it.”

I didn’t dare move, a shiver running down my spine. “Does that mean we get split time? Like two nights a week back there?”

“Two? That math ain’t math-ing. There are four of us.”

“Your manager is getting a night. That’s five, and I’m six. Got to make my claim.”

He scoffed, shoving me playfully. “Get up. We got to get your delusional ass some coffee before you claim more of my bed.”

“I didn’t hear you complain once.” I locked eyes with him before climbing out of the bunk.

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