Page 26 of Goodbye Note

But I knew the answer. Maybe I just wanted to hear it from my brother, who’d always been closer to them. He learned my parents were a disappointment much earlier than I had. I don’t know if it was because he was a year older or just better at seeing through their bullshit, but he stopped talking to them years before I did. I gave them chance after fucking chance.

“It didn’t. They love you,” Val said carefully.

“We need to get our own place. We can’t keep coming back here.”

“That will break their hearts,” Vallen said, but he didn’t disagree.

“I already have to wear the consequences of his actions on my face. I can’t bear the weight of his actions too.”

Vallen put a hand on my shoulder. “I love you. I’m always on your side.”

“I know.” I wouldn’t meet his gaze now. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I want to focus on what makes me feel good.” And Arik made me feel good.

“Is that smart?”

I finally looked at him. “What?”

“He’s straight.”

“We are friends,” I said through my teeth.

“I just don’t…”

“Say it.”

He rubbed a hand over the back of his head. “I don’t want you to get hurt because he can’t feel the same.”

“It’s not that.”

We both knew I was lying.

SEVEN

ARIK

After years of fighting to break into the mainstream, we’d done it. Within our first week, we were blowing sales expectations out of the water, and the first month was even better. Streams didn’t slow our second month either. They seemed to be growing with word of mouth, which meant the label was up our asses. In the best way, but still, between classes and promo, I was barely sleeping as it was, and every day, there seemed to be something else Kiernan added to our schedules.

This was an entirely different landscape for us. Normally, we were putting out songs as fast as we could write them, playing them live to continue feeding the beast of memory. Fans moved on quickly, and small local bands without radio play were quickly erased from existence, replaced with a seemingly endless supply of up-and-coming. We kept playing shows locally, but the fans wanted more. I couldn’t just drop everything and leave, even if my junior year of pre-law made me want to jump off a bridge with every class I went to.

It didn’t help to watch Dopamine-Fiend skyrocket. Their new single was all over the radio, and they had a music video on MTV. Everywhere I turned, they were there. Shows. Parties. Events. TMZ was all over him and his entourage. We still talked, but less. He was busy. I was busy. I knew it didn’t mean anything more than that, but my brain kept telling me he’d grow out of our friendship.

A photo from his last show popped up on my feed. We were at the bar, sitting so close, and he’d just taken my drink.

Punk4lif3: OMG look at how they look at each other.

ShipStirrer: If only I could find a man who looked at me like that.

ChasingTheChemicals: Arik is straight

ShipStirrer: Are u blind?

Did he stop hanging out with me because he thought I liked him?

I pulled my hair.

Stop reading the fucking comments.

Easier fucking said than done.

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