Page 217 of Goodbye Note

“But you wouldn’t with me.”A tear rolled down her cheek.

“I tried to make it work for years. We were never happy.” There was no winning this. It just went round and round. We’d done it too much. “You deserve to be happy too. You told me that, and I believe it. You have to find someone who returns it. I’m sorry I never could.”

She seethed and opened her mouth, but Nova burst in.

“Sorry, I tried to distract her,” Arik said.

“Is this going to be my room?” Nova threw her backpack on the bed. “It’s smaller than the other.”

“Yes, but only for tonight. On tour, we move every night.” We’d had a lot of talks about it, but it was new for her.

“Kids just live like this?”

“A lot of them do, yes. Mom stayed there so you could finish second grade, but some kids are homeschooled so they can travel full-time with their parents.”

“That sounds exhausting. No thanks.” She opened drawers.

I laughed. “We’ll see how you feel in a couple of weeks. We have lots of fun stuff planned.”

Arik and I had put together a whole list of stuff we could take her to do and then things the nanny could do with her while we were working.

Nova considered that. “Are we going to see Grandpa, too?”

“What?” Both of Lindsay’s parents were dead… I turned on Lindsay.

Lindsay put a hand over her mouth. “We promised we weren’t going to talk about that yet.”

“You told me we don’t keep secrets from our parents and anyone who asks us to is bad.” Nova looked at Lindsay, playing innocent, but she knew what she was doing. She was way too smart to not.

“Nova, can you go back out into the living room and show the nanny how to use the TV?” I said through my teeth.

“Sure.” She pulled the door closed behind her.

As soon as it was shut, Lindsay started talking, not letting me get a word in. “I know you had a really rough childhood because of your father’s addiction, but he’s been clean for years, V, and he’s a really good grandfather.”

My blood boiled. It took everything inside me not to tell Arik I changed my mind, to have at Lindsay.

“He loves Nova and dotes on her.”

“Do you see my fucking face? That’s what happens when he’s left alone with a child. Why the fuck would you trust him with ours?”

“I thought—” Lindsay sputtered.

“You thought nothing. You went behind my back thinking you know better about my own fucking father.” Our fucking daughter was sitting in the next room, and I could barely contain my tone.

My hands shook, and my world shrank.

Arik stepped between us, facing me. I hadn’t even realized he’d stayed in the room. He put his hands on my arms. “Take a breath. You’re having a panic attack. You’re okay. Nova is okay.”

I couldn’t inhale. All the oxygen went out of the room.

He took my hand and put it over his chest. “Feel me breathing.”

I nodded. It was all I could manage as my vision narrowed.

“Good. Spot a few things you can see. No need to say them out loud. Just say them to yourself.” Arik put his other hand on my face. “Now think of things you can smell.”

Him. I loved his cologne.

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