Page 218 of Goodbye Note

“One thing you can taste.” He put his forehead to mine.

I looked into his emerald eyes, his lashes, the crow’s feet next to his eyes. The lips I loved so much. I nodded. He stayed there with me until I was breathing normally again.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Lindsay asked.

Arik turned on her. “Don’t you fucking dare. After everything you’ve done to him, you stand here and fucking say you love him and then take his child to see the person who hurt him the most?”

“I didn’t know,” Lindsay stammered.

“He told you enough. You don’t deserve anymore.” Arik’s tone had a finality.

“I’m putting out a statement about our divorce this weekend. Put it out with me or don’t. I don’t care.” My voice was empty; I didn’t have anything left for her. “If you ever take my kid to see my father again, I’ll tell everyone the truth about you both.”

“You can’t do that!”

“I will.”

“He’s dying, V. I just wanted her to meet him before he died. He begged me.”

* * *

Once Nova was asleep, I sank to a seat, too exhausted to keep myself upright any longer. Arik came over and wrapped his arms around me. We sat for a long time without speaking.

“Part of me thinks either Lindsay or my father is lying. The other part of me is happy he’ll be out of my life. And I feel like shit for even thinking that. That’s not how humans should be.”

Arik pressed his nose into my cheek, drawing me further into his arms. “You’re allowed to have complicated feelings in relation to your trauma. You’re allowed to feel how you feel about your abusers.”

I noticed the plural there. “Why do you sound like you’re so well-adjusted?”

“Lots of therapy and figuring out my meds. You made me go, remember? It’s not perfect, and they could always stop working, but it’s helped a lot.” His hot breath fanned over my cheek, bringing me comfort.

“What do I do? Do I call him? Do I see him?”

“What do you want to do?” Arik asked.

“Give him the middle finger,” I said.

Arik laughed, and I joined him.

“Do you think I’ll regret it if I don’t see him?” I asked.

“Don’t give him more power. Don’t act like he’s a good person when he wasn’t to you. You don’t have to honor him or placate him because he donated some DNA.” He kissed my scar. “But that all being said, I’m going to support you no matter what you do. This is what will make you and no one else feel good. Not even him. Only consider what you want.”

“Thank you.”

He slid his fingers between mine, lacing them. “Always. I am on your side.”

“And I’m on yours.” I breathed him in. “Do you think she’ll go for the dual statement?”

“I barely knew her when she was on Warped. I don’t know.”

“Even if she goes along with it, the second we announce, she could back out or make hints that it wasn’t aboveboard.” I turned to look into his eyes, wanting something. Reassurance, maybe.

“We are always going to be followed by rumors and gossip. I’m not going to live my life catering to it. But I won’t push anything on you. I don’t want you to regret this or build resentment. I know you have a kid to think of, so you have to do this differently than I would.” Arik was steady.

I needed it, and for the first time, I believed we’d get through this storm together.

SIXTY

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