Page 212 of Goodbye Note

I don’t want to live in the memory of our best days.

I don’t want to exist in a downward spiral of love and loss,

Wishing for days long past, wishing we could get them back.

Living in a repeat without escape.

Feelings old and new, but still too few to create this dream we had.

Is it too late?

Or too hard coming.

The road wore us down and the destination failed to reach our hearts and minds lost in some tragedy.

Can I kill the regret?

Shed our skin and remember who we were.

Find a way back to us.

PART 4

SPRING

If we’d known all the ways we’d destroy each other, would we do it again?

FIFTY-EIGHT

VARIAN

As if the world reflected our relationship, spring came. Flowers bloomed. Arik and I felt fragile, but he returned night after night.

I’d never felt so hopeful.

I still couldn’t believe he was in my room every morning.

He was on his laptop, glasses on, when I opened my eyes.

“What are you writing?”

He looked up and groaned, closing his laptop. “It should be illegal for you to look that good just lying in bed.”

“I have to have something to use against you to get you back in bed with your horrible sleep pattern.” I pushed the blanket down to my hips.

“I always come back when you ask.” He set his computer aside and crossed the room. “I sleep more than I used to.”

He put his knee on the bed and grabbed the sheet, dragging it down, revealing my morning wood. “Look at that. A little gift for me.”

“You’re a miracle worker, raising the dead.” I slipped my arms behind my head.

He laughed. “The real question is, do I want you in my mouth or to be inside you today?”

I grabbed my cock, stroking to make the decision harder. “I never imagined back then you’d be sucking my cock more than I suck yours.”

“I have an oral fixation. What can I say?” He threw my hand off, dipping to lick the pre-cum off my tip.

I bucked into his lips. “I will never complain.”

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