Page 162 of Goodbye Note

“What?” Val asked.

“I don’t know. He asked me if I was a queer.” I pushed a hand into my hair.

“Shit. Are you going to reply to him to find out what he saw?”

“No. It will either be public or John will know.”

“What could it be? Have you two been recognized?” Vallen asked.

“Not that I know of. There are not a lot of people here. We haven’t left the place that much. Only a couple of walks, and no cameras. So unless we got hit by some telephoto lenses…” We've had bad luck with that. Nothing would surprise me.

“I’m glad you two are getting some peace. Just block Dad. Don’t let him ruin things for you.”

“That’s not really the reason I called,” I sighed, not sure I wanted to tell my brother all of this, but I didn’t have anyone else I trusted to ask for advice from.

“What’s going on?”

“Arik wants to come out. Our schedules clash so bad. There is just basically no way to see each other at all unless we are out. It would be too obvious.”

Vallen didn’t speak right away. “What do you think about it?”

“I would love to stop all this shit. I didn’t want to ever hide it, but I’m worried about him.”

“That’s the truth of it. You will probably be fine, other than Dad being a homophobic loser, but no one’s shocked by his bad takes. We may take a hit for a few months, but we’d recover. But Arik… He’s not really in a place he can take a hit. Who knows if his career would recover or if the label would back him? He may lose radio support when he’s just started getting played. You know as well as I do the industry is fucking filled with old bigots who won’t die. He’s got to have the backing before jumping off that cliff. I think John was right when he said to give it another year or two.” Vallen’s words reinforced everything I knew.

“And what if I can’t talk him out of it?”I asked.

“He wouldn’t just come out and say it, would he?” Val asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t think so, but I can’t be sure.”

Silence.

“Val?”

“I’m here—I just have no words. You can’t be serious?”

“He wasn’t raised in this shit like we were. We’ve had media training. He’s still got the young loose cannon stuff.” But how did I say that to Arik? I couldn’t tell him I knew better because of how I’d grown up.

Vallen sighed. “I’d hate to see him do that. The guys who spout off at this point in his career are the ones who burn out. He’s got to learn to play the game.”

“I know. I don’t know what to do.”

“You don’t think you can talk him down?”

“I don’t think so, and he’s going to resent me.” I pressed my eyes closed, fear climbing up my throat. The thought of losing him made me physically ill.

“Someone needs to lock him out of that damn journal.”

“Can you imagine? He’d just make a new one.” I laughed, loving him but knowing who he was, and that was a pain in the ass.

“Spirited little fuck. No wonder you love him.”

“I got to see if I can talk some sense into him in the next two days.”

“Good luck, bro.”

“Hey, before you hang up,” I said quickly. “You doing okay?”

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