Page 131 of Goodbye Note

i’ll think about you fumbling with my belt, trying not to make a Sound while our laughter drowns out all else

we’ll get through this, too

i can only promise you. i can’t make you believe it

thank you for Crash landing with me

At the end of the day, Right here right now, seizE the Day?

THIRTY-EIGHT

VARIAN

am i not sleeping again?

Too manic to come down from this daydream

I RidE out the high until find our lows

Don’t worry

my midas touch turns gold into nightmares.

don’t see it yet?

give me a minute to flip

With the post, Arik shared a photo taken with a lot of exposure in the dark while he was moving. I didn’t recognize it, which made me feel some sort of way.

What was he doing while I slept?

“What are you thinking about?” Arik asked.

I thought he’d finally fallen asleep, so it startled me. “Too much.”

My head was overly full, and I knew I wasn’t being rational. I feel like I spend half my life talking myself off a cliff.

“Let me lighten the load.” Despite the darkness, I felt his eyes on me.

“I’m struggling tonight. It sucks we can’t be ourselves, and we have to hide so much. I don’t think it’s good for either of us.” My breath caught as he slid a hand around my chest. It raised goosebumps on my skin. Would I ever get over the way he touched me? Like I was stealing something I wasn’t deserving of.

“I hate it too.”

“I just want to be chosen. To belong to someone and—” I didn’t want to make Arik feel bad over something out of his control, so I stopped myself.

“And?”

“I want to be the most important thing to someone. That we come before the rest.”

“You are the most important thing to me.” He picked up his head, bringing his face into the low light of the iPad playing a movie in the background. “You come before everything, even my band.”

“I know.” Deep down, I did.

“Do you want to ignore our manager’s advice? I will.”

“It’s not fair for me to do that to you. We’re established. I’m a fucking nepo baby. I can’t just be gotten rid of. You aren’t there. I know you will be, but I could fuck up your life, and we haven’t even been together that long.”

“I will if that will reassure you. I will burn it all down.” Conviction echoed in his voice. There was no hesitation.

---