Page 130 of Goodbye Note

“Maybe you two should spend some time apart,” John suggested.

“Don’t fucking ask me to do that. Besides, that will look worse. We are friends, and if we change our behavior based on this crap, that will only have them talking more.” I laced my fingers behind my head. I wasn’t sure what the answer was, but I only had a month left with Arik. I wasn’t going to waste it.

“Why do we even have to hide? Why can’t we just do what we want and not comment?” Arik glanced between them and slid his fingers between mine.

“You can’t come out!” Kiernan and John said together, like he’d just threatened to post naked pictures of himself.

“Why not?”

I smiled, squeezing his hand.

“I told you, we are in a really fragile place with the tour and the label. We need their full backing for this, and then you will blow up. If you give it a couple years and do what they say, then you will have ‘fuck you’ money to do whatever you want.”

“A couple of years?” Arik was on his feet.

“It’s not that long. You two are young.” John’s subtext was clear. ‘If you last that long.’

I knew where he was coming from. Relationships in this business were hard, but I hated him for it.

“Staying away from each other isn’t a solution.”

“You can’t blow up stuff with the label,” Kiernan said, not unkindly. “I’m just trying to protect both of you.”

Arik didn’t go to sound check. “Fuck them.”

“I know.”

He got up to pace the length of the bus.

“Just say it.” Fear ate at my throat.

“That was really close. We have to be more careful even with our touching and sharing clothes. What the fuck will I do if they cancel our tour? Go back to school?” He shoved his hands into his hair. “I can’t go back.”

Sadness took hold of my chest. I’d been so happy twenty minutes ago at the idea of coming out, but I knew it was stupid. I knew we couldn’t. His parents would freak and my dad would throw a fit, not to mention our management and labels. But the idea had taken root, and I wanted it.

It felt like losing. Cutting off a part of us even if we never had it.

Rejection iced my veins.

What if he pulled back? What if he actually listened to them and… I had to get it to-fucking-gether.

The rumors would kill us.

perfect is an illusion. stop striving for something they made impossible

we can be shooting stars and miss our marks and be lost in the heavens As long as it’s together

think about the way this will end. (are any of us here long? Right or wrong)

how long and how short our time on Earth

think about best friends

think aboUt the best nights of our life

think about nothing they say is true

don’t believe a word of it because you’re not living it

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