Page 78 of Goodbye Note

“There’s got to be a zoo and aquarium. Every city has one of those. Is there anything you feel like in particular?”

“Don’t know.” I feel like being alone with you. How close the words were to passing through my lips. My tongue ached to say them.

He lifted both brows, studying me. I would’ve killed to know what spun around in that head of his most days.

“What?” I finally relented, needing to know.

“What aren’t you saying?” he said carefully.

“How’d you know?” I had to buy some time to make something up.

“You get this little quirk in your mouth, and it pulls your…” He cut himself off.

A pang hit me in the chest. “Say it. Please.”

“I…” His brows pulled tight, and I wanted to leave. I hated that he didn’t trust me enough to just spit out. “I don’t want to draw attention to your scar. You’ve never said you hate it, but you obviously don’t love it.”

“That sounds like you notice it a lot.” I resisted the urge to rub the indent across my cheek. I didn’t even see it anymore. Like my eyes blocked it out when I looked in the mirror.

“I like it. I don’t notice it a lot. It’s part of you. I like how you smile. I guess I like your face. It wouldn’t be you without it.” He dropped his gaze to his coffee mug. “I’m sorry I brought it up.”

“Look at me.”

He didn’t at first, but finally, he lifted his eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you. I hate that my liking it hurts you.”

I grabbed his hand and instantly realized what I’d done, but he didn’t pull away. “You aren’t hurting me. I love that you like me for me.”

“Does it remind you of your dad?” He looked down at our joined hands. “I won’t bring it up if it does.”

“It used to, but maybe I can replace those memories with you.”

A smile captured his face, lighting up my sky. My North Star. “I like that we are replacing the old with the new. We don’t have to hold on to the sins of ghosts’ past or tethers of lives we don’t claim.”

“You should write songs or something.” I squeezed his hand and dropped it again before it got weird or something. “Now, where are we going?”

He pushed his fingers into his hair, tugging the messy strands. It made me want to put my hands into it. “Let’s figure it out when we get there. You and I can get in a cab and go anywhere.”

“You and I?” I repeated, unable to help myself.

“Why not? Someone else you want to bring?” Mischief played on his lips.

“No.”

best night of my life

best friends

days off together

why is this better than you ever felt?

TWENTY-THREE

ARIK

We left our phones and went into the world untethered. Explored, took cabs for cash, and let opportunity lead us.

“Go on the Ferris wheel with me.” Varian grabbed my hand for the second time today, and sparkles went off in my chest. Almost like I was nervous, but why would I be nervous?

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