Page 77 of Goodbye Note

“Another tour?” His mother was a lawyer. She wasn’t stupid. Arik didn’t have to finish for her to put it together.

“Yeah, in the future, there are always plans.”

“When will you have time for that? You said you’re only taking one semester off.” His mother’s voice came cold. I hated it for him. My grandparents didn’t want me to do this, but they never talked to me like that. They never acted like they didn’t believe in me, just that they didn’t want me to become anything like my parents.

“On breaks or after I graduate. All this stuff takes time.” Arik gritted his teeth because they already had a possible opening spot lined up for after this tour with Spotlight, a massive alt punk band for most of the fall and maybe into the spring if it went well.

The silence over the line spoke volumes.

“Arik,” she eventually said.

“I know. I really need to go. I haven’t slept.” He got two mugs down and the sugar.

“Have you been taking your meds?”

“Yes, Mom. I sleep during the day usually. It’s normal for tour life. I’ll take my meds and pass out. Don’t worry.” He dumped a ton into his cup, not even bothering to measure it.

“Is that good for you?” she asked.

I stared at him, grabbed the sugar from him, and put a teaspoon into my cup. “You’re crazy,” I muttered.

“It’s fine. I love you. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay, honey.”

He hung up the phone and slumped against the counter. “I need the energy from the sugar and caffeine.”

“Did you really not sleep at all?”

He lifted a shoulder. “Not really. Can’t get my brain to turn off.”

“What meds?” I’d never seen him take any meds.

“I don’t take them. I haven’t in almost a year. They made it so I can’t write. Can’t think. Can’t breathe. I’m just existing in a box like they want me to.”

I frowned. “Can’t they change them or something…?”

He shrugged. “I got tired of the meds dance. I can’t write like that. I can’t make art. I’m fine. I just don’t sleep a lot.”

“You sure?”

He nodded. “I am. I’m okay. If I’m not, I’ll tell you.”

I wanted to believe him, so I did. I wanted to ask, but I didn’t. I still didn’t feel like I had a right to pry like that, even after all we’d shared. “What…?” How did I even ask what I needed to ask?

“I’m manic. Maybe. I’ve been told a lot of things by a lot of different doctors. I don’t feel like any of it is right. I feel like…” He exhaled and closed his eyes, bringing his mug to his lips. I thought he wasn’t going to answer, but he did. “I had a shit time in high school. My parents put so much pressure on me and my siblings. We had to get perfect grades and get into the right college. Do everything by the books to follow them into law school. Be what their dream is, and I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough.” He put a hand over his eyes like he was ashamed of himself. “I cracked. I fell apart, and I’ve been dealing with the consequences ever since.” He tried to laugh it off, but it just came off as hollow.

I didn’t say anything. What could I even fucking say? I put my cup down and wrapped my arms around him. He didn’t fight or protest. He pressed his face into my neck. “We aren’t letting this ruin our day. Fuck them. You never have to go to law school or back to college. If you’re touring and doing what you want, they will either come around or they won’t. I had to make the same choice with my grandparents, and they surprised me. They have been supportive. I think your parents love you and they will come around. They will see what you’re doing. The music you make is special.”

“Thank you,” he muttered against my skin.

I bit back a groan, my chest so filled with him I knew I’d eventually burst.

How did I get through this and keep my friend when I was in love with him?

“Now, what are we doing? I’m not letting your ass off the hook even if you didn’t sleep.”

He laughed. “We have a whole fucking day once we get there. We need to figure out what’s there.”

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