Page 6 of Burned By Fire

3

SOL

Wednesday, May 4th

This feels like déjà vu. My hand shakes as I touch the silver door handle, but the difference this time is I won’t be leaving before my hour’s up. I’m determined to be free of my self-loathing. I don’t want to feel angry I lost my dreams or hate myself for not knowing what to do anymore.

“Come in, Mr. Fox,” Jackie shouts as my watch buzzes, signaling it’s the beginning of the hour. She can’t even see me, but she must have sensed me hovering.

My grip tightens on the handle, and I push it down so I can step forward. Today I will do better.

“Afternoon, Ms. Burton,” I say. Walking over to the sofa, I hesitate but eventually sit down. She watches me but keeps her mouth shut. “Okay. Let’s start,” I add, rubbing my hands together.

“Are you taking your coat off?” She arches her eyebrow.

I glance at my zip. “Er, no. It’s okay. I think I’ll leave it on.”

She makes a mark with her pen. “Do me a favor,” Jackie says.

I blow out a breath. “I can’t promise anything.”

She takes her time before speaking again. “My niece lives on the top floor and she told me you used to be good friends. If you feel like you want to bolt, I think she’d enjoy your company.”

Ember has moved out of her mom’s house? I didn’t see that coming. From what I’d seen, she liked living there.

“She lives above the offices?” I ask.

“Yes.”

“Why?” I frown.

“You can ask her that when you see her next.” She smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. The woman knows how to spike my interest and take my mind off my worries.

When I chose to come back to therapy, maybe subconsciously, I was hoping to run into Ember, but I never imagined she’d be here for any other reason than to see her aunt.

“Was this just a distraction technique to make me relax?” I ask.

“Does it matter?” She writes something down. I want to see her notes and read what she’s written, but I restrain myself from making it obvious.

“I guess not. So, how does this work?” I ask. The sofa creaks as I lean back, slouching my shoulders forward and clasping my hands together.

“How do you want this to work?”

A miracle would be good.

“I want my life back. That’s why I’m here. It’s the only reason I’ve returned.”

“What do you want your life to be like?”

I brush my hand over my face. If I knew the answers to these questions, I wouldn’t be here.

“Being a firefighter is the only thing I ever wanted. Without it, I’m just a lonely asshole with no job and enough scars to scare away the crows.”

She places her pen down for a second so she can give me her full attention. “From what I’ve heard, people call you a local hero. Your wounds are part of your story. They don’t scare away anyone or anything.”

“What good is that when I can’t do my job? Impressing people was never my intention, and being a hero means nothing without the firehouse.”

“You need to find your new calling.” She smiles again, and it looks genuine. I hope she’s right because I want to believe there could be more than this for me.

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