Page 7 of Burned By Fire

“And how do I do that?”

I’m doubtful she can help me find a positive in my situation, but I’m here, and I’m willing to try. I saved two children who now have their full lives ahead of them. That was my reward, but I didn’t want it to mean my future is over. I want the American dream; the fulfilling job, the perfect home, and the loving family. If I can’t sort my head out, how do I expect someone to overlook the other things wrong with me? My scars are ugly, and other than my house, I don’t have anything else to offer.

“That’s for us to figure out together.” She writes something on her notepad, and I wait for her to finish. This time, it doesn’t bother me as much, and I hope whatever she jotted down is positive.

“Honestly, do you think you can help me?” I look deep into her eyes, desperate for the answer.

“If you show up to our sessions, I’ll try my best.”

At least she was honest with me. If she’d said yes, maybe I’d have felt more reluctant to believe her. A ghost of a smile creeps onto my lips, and for the first time since the accident, I feel a spark of hope.

“On a good day, I’d easily agree to be punctual or reliable, but on a bad day, I’m neither of those things.” She should know turning up to every session will be hard, and if she’s honest with me, I want to give her the same courtesy.

“Okay, Mr. Fox. Let’s start small. Promise you’ll come to our next meeting.”

“Solman or Sol is fine.” I ignore her plea.

“What changed your mind about seeing me since your last session?”

“I’m trying, I really am, but the urge to give up and crawl back into bed is strong. Nothing’s changed since last time other than seeing the disappointment in Ember’s eyes when she dragged me out of the bar.”

There is something about Jackie that makes me want to be honest, and hopefully, if I answer some of her questions, she’ll make my days easier. I’m not ready to share my deeper thoughts, but she’s already helping me open up.

“Tell me what your free time used to look like.”

I rub my head. “Before the drinking?”

“Yes.” She nods.

“I loved jogging and playing the occasional game of basketball with some buddies down at the court.”

“Do you have the urge to do either of these things now?”

“My arm is damaged and the sensation in my hand isn’t the same. I could play basketball because I’m right-handed, but it’s not the same. I wouldn’t be as good as I was, and that bothers me.”

“What else did you like doing? Surely the medics didn’t say you couldn’t enjoy exercise anymore.”

“No, they did not.”

“I want you to do something before our next session. Find a small pleasure and indulge in it. Not alcohol, though. Can you do that?”

“Okay.” I think I can keep this promise. It can’t be that hard to find one thing to do that I enjoy.

We chat for a while longer until my watch buzzes again, signaling the time is up.

“Okay. I’ll see you next week. Goodbye, Solomon, and try to have a nice evening.”

I glance at my watch. That hour went fast. I nod and get to my feet. “Goodbye.”

Stepping out of her office, I sigh with relief. I made it through therapy and didn’t bolt. The elevator is on the ground floor, so I opt for the stairs. Halfway down, I find Ember walking toward me carrying a heavy box.

“Why are you living in an office building?” I ask.

We never used to greet each other with pleasantries, so I’m not going to start now. Instead, I cut right to what I want to know.

She pulls the box to the side so she can see me clearly. “I needed my own space, and my aunt had a spare office on the top floor with its own bathroom and kitchen. The rent’s cheap, and I managed to get some furniture from a local thrift shop. I’m glad you gave Jackie another chance… unless you were looking for me?” She smiles brightly at that last part, and a strange sense of warmth washes over me. I like that I make her grin.

“I’ve been to see your aunt. Why would you need to get away from everybody?”

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