Page 35 of Sinister Devotion

"Fuck. I just had the fucking conversation with Claire. Tonight we were just supposed to be fucking normal. Go to sleep. That was it."

"Listen, I'm not judging, but I also don't want to know shit either. You two are going to be the death of me. She can't sit in a car by herself without shivering and you can't get a good night's sleep without fighting your past. You shot him, Julian. You thought you killed him. He shouldn't torment you like this after all these years."

My head moves side to side with the memories flooding in. "Every time that asshole pops up, at the office or at the front gates, he acts like that part of him doesn't exist. Like me shooting him with his own gun wasn't a direct result of a shitty ass misunderstanding."

Edward scoffs. "Misunderstanding? Charleston thought we were fucking. We were sixteen and he didn't even bother asking why I was there. He just jumped to you sneaking me in the house for a booty call. Forget that I was homeless and had nowhere to go. That the home I was placed in was just as volatile as yours. A fucking booty call, like you could ever get a date with someone like me."

That gets a laugh out of me. "I love you like a brother and that's it. I wish Charleston had stopped beating me long enough for me to tell him that. Honestly, I think he just wanted a reason to stop restraining himself."

Edward nods. "I never understood why he hated you so much. I mean, I've been through some shit, but your own father did fucking damage, bro."

I shrug. "Three broken ribs, one broken arm?—"

He cuts me off singing, "And a partridge in a pear tree."

I shove him. "Fuck off, man. And Derek? Bro was a maniac. "You gotta check the body! You gotta check the body!" was all he could say. Then that shit with the gun?"

Edward smiles, agreeing with me. "Dee was a stone-cold negotiator, even before his law degree. You shooting your father in the back with his own gun, the same gun he used to kill that prostitute and Derek thinking on the fly to use it as leverage? Stroke of genius for a sixteen-year-old kid. Imagine getting Charleston to stop beating the crap out of you by threatening to go to the press."

Memories of Claire's father and everything he did for me, heat me from the inside out. "Yeah, and refusing to call an ambulance unless he meant it was pure genius. It definitely helped that he had the gun and I knew where the body was. If he was smart, he would have had Armande move that girl's body a long time ago."

Edward disagrees. "Your Uncle Armande is a loose end he doesn't have the heart to tie up. All of the people under his fists are smaller than him, younger than him, or both. Do you ever think about turning him in? No statute of limitations against murder."

I shake my head. "I have, but one, I have no idea what Derek did with the gun. Two, even if we found it, the last person to fire it was me. And three, I have no doubt that Charleston would use his influence to pin that woman's murder on me if I ever went against our agreement. We agreed to bury the gun, the murder, the beatings, our violence and move forward like Blackwell Men of Honor."

Edward huffs. "Your Dad's a real piece of work man. By the way, thank you, Julian, for what you did for me."

"For what? You're the one who saved Claire from me tonight. You warned me, too."

"Warning you this could happen and it actually happening just means you need to take me seriously. And I'm thanking you because if you hadn't put your body on the line, I know Charleston the Black would have killed me. You think that bullet gave him amnesia or something?" he asks.

"No. That sleaze bucket remembers everything. He's probably proud I shot him with his own gun after he broke me into pieces. All these years later, I'm still fucking broken. Claire is never going to be with someone like me. She deserves better."

Edward shoves me lightly in the shoulder. "Claire deserves honesty and the right to choose what she wants to do on her own. Don't answer the question before you even ask it. Instead of making choices for everyone else, how about you just take smaller steps? Try doing regular shit and give her spoonfuls of your crazy. Micro-dose her with your trauma."

I laugh loudly this time. "Fuck you. I am going to take a step back. I jumped into the deep end with her tonight. Shit, I even told her about Malia."

He slaps his forehead. "Why the fuck? You know what? Never mind. You don't understand subtlety or women. You don't lead with Malia."

"I like to be up front and honest out the gate. Sure, she's probably traumatized right now, but at least I warned her first."

"No, Julian. There is no warning for tonight. At least she listened to me. I told her if it ever got too intense to come get me. Ease up on your expectations and yourself. Billionaire or not, perfection isn't real. Go back to sleep. Alone is probably best for tonight. Let Claire sleep."

15

CLAIRE

The comforts of my bedroom do nothing to soothe the helplessness coursing through my body. When I think back to the entirety of our day, perhaps it was too much for him. But also, fuck Julian.

If anyone should understand their own boundaries, it's him. Why did he take me to Nina's Boutique? Buying my forgiveness after laying the bombshell about Charleston hitting him as a kid is a lot. Then he gets me the BDSM getup and tells me I have to learn new tricks from his old flame?

And then if I have second thoughts, we should just be normal and sleep together. This is chaos. None of this is normal, and still, I want him. It could be the way he cares for me when he doesn't have to. The conversation with Bonnie from a while back flashes in my head. Julian doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, and he wants to date me, be with me.

The dating scene never interested me while in school because most high school guys are like Devon. They act like getting the date is the most important part and can't follow through with what comes next…like showing up at the agreed time. Hell, from what I see across social media and TV shows, even guys Julian's age are more like Devon. I believe Julian more than ever now. It takes a special kind of woman to love him and I want to make sure I'm ready to take on whatever comes with that.

The more things we do outside of work and the bedroom will tell us more about each other in the roles of this new dynamic. I don't know how deep I want to go with Julian. Shit, keeping things shallow to the point of simply sharing a bed to sleep together turned into a catastrophe.

The eruption of his terror burst through the peace of the night as I lay in his arms, dreaming of what comes next for us. The sound of his heart racing is something I'll never forget. Julian's not a fearful person, but tonight? Everything we talked about showed up in his dreams.

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