Page 5 of If Only You Hurt

Looking in that direction, I see my bedroom door begin to open slowly, and my sister’s head pops in. I guess someone drew straws because Ellie is the unlucky one to deal with me right now. Nothing she says will change how much my heart hurts right now.

“May I sit down?” My sister speaks softly to me.

She’s always been so sweet with me. Having her be thirteen years older than me really does make us feel like we’ve both been raised as only children in the house. Not once has she been mean to me. She’s always treated me more like she raised me than a little sister. Not counting Grant, Ellie is my best friend, and the way her smile doesn’t reach her eyes, I know she’s sad too. Grant isn’t the only friend leaving; Becca is her best friend, and she’s moving away too.

I nod at her because the tears have caused a frog to live in my throat.

“I’m so sorry you’re sad.” She pushes some strands of my hair away from my face. “I’m sad too. But you know what?” I shake my head in response. “This isn’t the end of your friendship with Grant. I know Becca will be visiting, and we can always go to them too. When I go visit, if Mom lets us, I’ll have you tag along. Becca’s baby will need lots of love.” My sister keeps stroking my hair, one of my favorite things she does to make me feel better.

I lean my head against her shoulder, “But what if Grantie makes a new friend and forgets about me?”

I hear my sister let out a breath. “I know what that fear feels like. Have you thought about how Grant feels, though? He might be scared, just like you. You’re his best friend too. He might think you’ll forget about him.”

“I would never! He’s my bestest friend, Ellie. I love him like I love my peonies. Having him around is like having all of my favorite flowers in a field.”

I hear my sister chuckle. “So if your friendship is really that strong, it will last, even beyond Saddle Ridge. Does that make sense?”

I nod, but I still feel scared. I don’t know life here without my Grantie. I don’t know how to play in the yard or the playground without him giggling with me.

“What about this? How about you draw Grant a picture and then have that ready for him before he leaves tomorrow. And after that, you can send him notes and pictures. I bet he’d love to receive some mail while he’s starting a new life in New York. How does that sound?”

It’s not a solution, but it’s something I can do to feel close to him.

“But I don’t know how to send anything in the UPSP.” I look up at my sister and realize how different we are in looks. She’s got dark blue eyes, blonde hair, and clear skin along her beautiful face. I have red hair with green eyes and freckles along my nose and cheeks.

“That’s where I come in, silly.” She tickles me, and I can’t help the giggle that comes out, even though I’m sad. “And it’s USPS. I will help you address the envelope and put a stamp on the outside. Does that sound like a fun thing to do together?” I feel a smile move across my face, and I feel a little lighter. Maybe everything will be okay.

I stand up and go to my little desk, which has paper and some crayons. I begin to draw my picture for Grant, with fields of green and with pink peonies all along the bottom. I draw him and me holding hands, a playground, and a sun shining brightly. Grantie always says I remind him of the warm feeling he gets when he steps outside into the sun. Something about me making everything better when he feels sad. As I keep drawing, I hear Ellie moving around my room, grabbing my clothes from the basket, and putting everything away.

Soon, my eyes feel heavy, and my sister helps me get ready for bed. The sun has set, and I can see the darkness when I look out the window. I see the stars shining bright as I lay my head on my pillow, and I feel myself wishing to the stars to keep Grant close to my heart, no matter how far away he is in this world.

Chapter Three

GRANT

2006

Why is it so cold this morning? New York City is so pretty when indoors, but the moment I step foot outside, I’m freezing. I’m walking home from school and starting my winter break with the biggest smile on my face.

I am down to hours before I see my Bean. We haven’t seen each other since the summer when I went to Saddle Ridge to visit for a few weeks. Each time we have an extended break, I get to be with my best friend. As much as our lives look different, she being in our small town back home and I in this massive city, we still have so many commonalities that I never notice how different our lives really are.

I’m close to home when I see someone unloading things from a taxi. It’s not until I get much closer that I realize it’s Laney’s dad who’s getting luggage from the car. I take my strides faster until I reach him.

“Hi, Mr. James. I wasn’t expecting you for a few more hours. Let me help you.” I reach into the trunk and retrieve what looks to be the last bag.

“Thanks, son. And please call me Kirk. I changed your diapers. No need to be so formal. And yes, we caught an earlier flight in fear the storm would delay us if we waited. The girls are inside, fawning over Olive. She’s gotten so big.” Mr. James has always been so kind. He was very much a father figure for me growing up.

“Yeah, she’s alright. She likes to bother me when I’m playing video games.” Mr. James chuckles as I complain about my niece, even though I adore her to pieces.

We make our way to the elevator, the doorman helping us get everything in one trip. We get to my floor, and I already hear all my favorite people’s voices carry down the hall. In the last few years, so much has changed. Beau and Ellie have been married since the summer when I was six, and recently, my sister, Becca, met someone and the relationship seems to be pretty serious. His name is Hudson, and he’s just starting out as a lawyer at a firm in the city. He’s a bit too fancy for me, but my sister seems happy.

City life suits me and my family, so it hasn’t been too bad adjusting after our move from Saddle Ridge. That might be due to the fact we go back whenever possible, and I spend a good amount of my summer with the James family. Since Ellie moved out, I use her room to stay while I visit. My mom doesn’t stay with me anymore, and last summer was the first time I got to fly out on my own. It was a lot of fun to be a little more independent, although my mom cried as if I was never coming back. Something about her baby growing up. Ugh, moms, am I right?

We walk through the door, and I can smell the cookies my mom has baked wafting through the apartment. We’ve moved a few times while living here, and this is the biggest place we’ve been. My mom met someone last year named Rick, and he’s a cool guy. We moved in with him before the school year started for me, and it’s been nice.

I never knew my father because he passed away when I wasn’t even a year old, so I don’t hold resentment toward Rick. He has fit into this family from the moment my mom met him. They apparently met at the hospital in the elevator when my mom was meeting up with my sister for lunch in the cafeteria. My mom met up with her for lunch, and Rick was there visiting a friend. My mom is an ICU nurse, they began chatting, and the rest is history. That was last summer, and now Becca is on her way to being a full-fledged doctor. Well, she is technically a doctor, but she’s still in the beginning phases of her residency.

I find my mom and sister in the kitchen getting another batch of cookies out of the oven. I have always loved this time of year, and these cookies are part of the reason. This is a Stanley tradition, and I’m glad some things haven’t changed.

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