Page 4 of If Only You Hurt

I hear Davey say loudly, “Laney, hi.”

Laney waves at Davey then goes back to looking at the flavors in front of her.

I roll my eyes and then feel my mom tug on my ear. I cross my arms over my chest, my irritation something I can’t hide now that Davey has infested this place with his dirty germs. He’s the worst.

My mom goes back to talking to Laney’s mom, and I decide to turn my back to Davey and focus all my attention on Laney. She’s waiting for what I hope to be her last sample of ice cream, this time mint chip, as if this flavor is going to change after it has been the same since the beginning of time.

“Mmmm, that’s a good one,” Laney tells Dolly herself.

“Grantie, what you getting?” she asks like that will help her decide. I want to be upset, but I remind myself she could start talking to Davey if I ignore her.

“Maybe chocolate chip or cookies and cream.” I shrug my shoulders, not really leaning toward one more than the other.

“How will you choose? I never know.” She looks over at me, like she’s in shock.

“Bean, how can you say that? You get vanilla each time.” I can’t help the frustration I feel when I say this.

“Today might be different.” Right then, Ms. Dolly hands her the bubblegum-flavored one, the newest flavor in the store. She licks it and immediately makes a face.

“No thanks. Vanilla bean, please.” Shocking!

We finally get our ice cream, and I can’t help the relief I feel once we are seated with this sweet treat in front of us.

Laney begins licking her ice cream, melted lines starting to run down her cone. She can’t keep up with it, and I just watch as she struggles to keep up. She starts to laugh, and I can’t help how my heart feels funny when she does. I smile; everything feels right when I hear her laughter.

Laney James has hair the color of fire, and her eyes are big and green like the spring grass in a field. She’s so close to me, I can see all her freckles on her nose. She keeps looking at me, and I stare back. She looks like she could be a Disney princess, just like the ones I see in the cartoons I watch.

We sit in silence as we eat our ice cream, the mess all over Laney’s face and probably my own. Our mamas are seated at the little table next to us, this parlor so small that there aren’t huge tables available. At the mess, they both grab napkins and begin cleaning our faces. I move my head side-to-side, this feeling like torture.

Once we’re done, the moms get distracted by someone who walked in and continue their conversation.

Bean stands up a little in her chair, reaches into the pocket of her shorts, and pulls out a paper that’s folded in fours. She begins to undo it. Then she puts it on the table, using all her muscles to smooth the creases. I keep my eyes forward for as long as I can, but then curiosity wins out, and I look down to see what the paper has.

It’s a picture of a flower, a pink and white flower, one I recognize as some that are outside Dr. Eugene’s office. The picture is really pretty. It has hills and green grass in the background. And the flower is by itself and opening up to the sky. I can’t help but smile a little bit.

“See, Grantie, I found this picture at the store for you. My mama said it’s a postcard that you mail to someone with a message. But I got it because this flower is so pretty, and now it’s my favorite, like you. I know your favorite color is green, and I love this flower. Pe-o-nies Mama said it’s called.”

I look down again. “Thanks, Bean. You promise I’m your favoritest? Like your most favorite?”

Bean is nodding her head really hard, and her smile is big and bright like the sun. When she smiles, I smile back. I love my Bean. My Laney Bean.

Later in the afternoon, we play in the backyard once we get back to my house, while our mamas are sitting at the table talking. I see my sister, Becca, and Bean’s sister, Ellie, come by after school. Their boyfriends, Shane and Beau, are with them and are great at playing hide-n-seek with us. We run around the yard until my legs feel like jelly. This is the best day. I hope tomorrow is even better. But as long as my Bean is by my side, my day will shine.

Chapter Two

LANEY

August 1998

“But I don’t want Grantie to go!” I yell and run up the stairs. Grant leaves tomorrow for New York City, and I hate it. I hate New York, and I hate cities. It’s not fair. Soon, I start school, and now I will be starting without my best friend. We are supposed to be in Mrs. Lawler’s class together, and we are supposed to be best friends forever. This isn’t fair.

I feel my tears falling down my cheeks and sadness in my heart. I run into my room and fall onto my bed. I love my Grantie, and he isn’t supposed to go. I asked Mama why we can’t keep him, but Grant’s mama said we can’t do that. Why? I need him with me. She can go with Becca. I want Grantie here.

The tears won’t stop now. I can’t control them falling down my cheeks. I’m lying face down on my bed, so sad that things will never be the same. I hear the footsteps coming up the stairs, and I know one of my parents is coming down the hall to talk to me.

Knock, knock.

I hear someone’s knuckles against my door.

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