Page 64 of Clan and Crave

“Conyod—” Lafec started to protest.

“We do need you. You’ll join me and Erybet,”Sletran said.

“That mountain—” Lafec tried again.

“Don’t worry about me.” Conyod pretended toexude the reassurance he needed as much as she did. “You have a jobto do. Don’t let me hold you up.”

Protest was written on her features, butLafec knew better than anyone what was at stake. She finally glaredat Sletran and Erybet. “Watch over him. Be careful, my son.” Shehurried off, her mouth working as if to hold in a scream.

Conyod saw rather than experienced himselfwalking to Dresk and mounting him. He heard where Vel assigned themto search from an immense distance. He floated in a dream…anightmare…behind Sletran and Erybet as they trotted toward Evar onthe trail they’d traveled when they’d searched for the ghost.

We’re venturing nowhere near where Hoslekwas last known to be. He tried to reassure his mind, whichunlike his numbed body was red-hot and frantic in fear. I’m notgoing to that spot. It’s too far down from where a shuttle wouldcrash. We’d see the vessel if it were there.

Nonetheless, the closer they approached theforbidding peak, the greater his disassociation from his body. Incontrast, the hysteria in his skull climbed. Conyod fought tobreathe normally. He tried to convince his pounding heart tosteady. He did his best to force aside the grayness at the edges ofhis vision.

It’s just a panic attack. Once we’re climbingup, once we’re past the level of the Pinnacle and nothing terriblehappens, I’ll be okay. Come on, Conyod, there are people up therewho need help. Get control!

However, as they passed the level wherethey’d been in their search for the flickering shape of the nightbefore, he couldn’t ignore the fact that he was growing worse. Hispulse thundered in his ears. His vision was tunneling, and hecouldn’t stop staring at the ominous Pinnacle despite not having toconfront it. It filled his vision, a nightmare point jabbing thesky, hiding the very spot where Hoslek had probably lost hislife…

“Conyod?”

The Imdiko gasped. Startled, he glanced atSletran and Erybet. They’d stopped several feet ahead of himbecause Dresk had halted. The kestarsh was making distressedsounds, his long neck curved tightly so he could gaze at hisrider.

“Hey. What’s up? You look as if you’re on theverge of passing out.” Sletran trotted to his side and peered inhis face. “Shit. I shouldn’t have insisted you come. You shouldn’tbe doing this.”

“I…I…” He heaved for air, his gaspsbellowing.

“You haven’t been up here in all these years,have you?” The Nobek gazed at him in wonder. “Not even once onthis mountain. Of course it’s too much, especially in anemergency of this nature.”

“I…it’s…” his gaze strayed to thePinnacle.

Dresk shifted, pushing between the mares soSletran and Erybet bracketed him. So they could catch him if hefell.

“You aren’t going on,” Sletran said, his tonefirm. “Turn around, Conyod. Go to the ranch.”

“Go home, Conyod.” Erybet’s touch was gentleon his shoulder. “There’s plenty of assistance you can givethere.”

“But people need rescue. Dresk is the best atthis.” Conyod’s numb lips finally formed a coherent sentence.

“It’s all right,” Sletran assured him.“Someone else can ride Dresk to search Evar. There were a fewpeople left behind because there weren’t enough kestarsh toride.”

Shame enveloped Conyod. It had been yearssince Hoslek had disappeared. Yes, there were those who got lost inthe mountains, but hundreds climbed those peaks, including Evar,every year without mishap. He and Hoslek had explored beyond thePinnacle themselves as small children and had come home safe andsound on dozens of occasions.

Why was he so panic stricken to climb Evar?Why did he feel like a child lost in terror?

“No one will think less of you going home,”Sletran said firmly. “I certainly won’t after what you lost here.There’s no reason to be embarrassed.”

“Me neither,” Erybet reassured him, his smileas gently as his stroking fingers. “It’s fine, Conyod. Go to theranch and be careful as you do so. We’ll see you later, okay?”

Conyod’s pulse slowed. He couldn’t deny therelief he didn’t have to go up the mountain despite the humiliationof having fallen apart.

He was awash in shame, however. He, apsychologist, couldn’t fight the phobia keeping him from facingMount Evar. He hated that Sletran and Erybet were chancing themalefic peak without him, but to dare it was beyond him no matterhow he feared for their lives.

His voice was rough, and he couldn’t lookeither of his lovers in the eye. “You be careful. No heroics.Promise me you’ll come down in one piece.”

“We will. I promise.” Sletran leaned to pressa kiss to Conyod’s forehead.

Erybet did as well. They rode off, leavinghim behind.

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