Page 51 of Knot Forgotten

‘Yes,’ I sign, before adding, ‘Loved it.’

His fingers cradle the back of my neck as his eyes search mine for a lie. “Good,” he says, his lips forming the word, but barely a whisper coming out.

I clear my throat and pick up a french toast stick, dipping it into the liquid sugar, disengaging before I climb into his lap and demand he kiss me like he did that night. He lets his touch slip away and follows my lead, picking up his own french toast, not bothering with the syrup and eating it.

That isn’t to say that my entire body isn’t on high alert with him right next to me. Even in the public space.

“Tell me about the new Riley,” I say, facing him. Gesturing at his toned body that has obviously been created with tireless hours in the pool. Add his bleached hair and piercings, he is a different guy now. More than just his body has changed, it is just the most obvious.

He laughs, breaking the sexual tension that had been growing between us. “After you left–” He shrugs. “My foster family at that time sent me back because I was too much. I was lonely, and without an anchor, no one considered what I wanted. I caused problems and pushed people away, except for the guys.”

He pauses and takes a deep breath. I know he isn’t done, so I remain silent, waiting for him to finish.

“The new family I eventually went to had a rule, pick a sport or school activity. Get involved. So when the swim team had tryouts, I went. And it drowned out all the negativity. All my thoughts went silent as I pushed through the water. I had control for the first time in forever. It was an even playing field for me. I found a place I belonged. Even if that family didn’t last, my place on the swim team did. And now here I am.” He spreads his arms wide as he goes silent. I could hear the feelings in his words, even if he didn’t mean for them to seep into them.

My heart aches with the idea of each of the foster families sending him away. Each time it happened before I left, we were there for him. He’d crash at Cam or Matt’s place for a night or two, and if it got real bad at the center, he would sleep in the treehouse.

‘Don’t feel sad for me, Rinny. My past made me who I am today. It will help others in the future. I’ll make sure of it.’ As he finishes signing, he brushes his fingers down the side of my face with a small smile.

I nod, letting him know I both see and hear him. I met his smile with one of my own. “What is your major?”

“Teaching,” he says. “Special education, with a specialty in deaf or hard of hearing schools.”

“Teaching,” I laugh as I pick up another sausage link. “You hated school.”

He grins, enjoying the teasing. “Then maybe I can make kids that are just like me enjoy school.”

I reach out impulsively and run my fingers over his hair. “I’m sure if you keep this look they will think you are the coolest person ever.”

The strands are soft beneath my fingers, and just like that, it is as if the contact ignites that spark between us again. My belly dips, and I scoot as close as I can without climbing into his lap. His eyes fall to my lips, and I know he is going to kiss me.

“You like my look?” he whispers.

We are too close together for him to read my lips, so I nod ever so slightly, seconds before his mouth is on mine. A contrast to our first frantic and angry kiss, this one is soft, like our actual first kiss when we were teens. Full of feelings I’m not positive what to do with.

He runs his tongue over the seam of my lips, and I part them on an exhale. His musk has always been intoxicating. Who doesn’t love freshly baked chocolate chip cookies? The scent blooming between us and on his tongue has me pressing closer. My fingers dip into his hair at the nape of his neck, helping to deepen the kiss. I’m lost in this man. My entire world has shrunk to this single moment in time.

I’m startled when something hits the table, and I pull back with a gasp to find Matt sliding into the seat across from us. He is grinning as he picks up a slice of bacon and takes a bite.

“I eat breakfast too, guys,” he says when he has both of our attention.

Riley groans and buries his face in my neck, nuzzling me. The soft kisses on my throat send shivers of awareness to pebble my nipples beneath my clothes.

Matt chuckles, his eyes lifting from his friend to me. “Guess he wants you all to himself. I don’t blame him.”

His gaze says more than his words, and I can feel the blush climbing up my neck and over my ears, most likely darkening my cheeks too. I detangle from Riley, even if it is one of the last things I actually want to do, and pick up another, now cold, french toast stick and drown it in syrup.

How did I go from thinking this would never be a possibility to the idea that all of it could actually be happening? A slight anxiety I can’t help builds inside my chest, and my appetite disappears. What if I’m fooling myself? I pick at my cuticles as Riley straightens, and they sign back and forth, tossing teasing insults at each other it seems. I try to push the growing feeling away, but it is quickly taking hold.

The what ifs are making everything worse. What if it is still all part of some cruel game? What if they don’t actually want me, but who I used to be? My heart pounds in my chest.

Then cool fingers frame my face, Riley gently turning my face to his. “Are you okay?” I see his lips move, but I don’t hear the words over my pulse now in my temples. “Erin, breathe, just breathe.”

His words make me aware of my rapid breaths and curled in fingers. They are almost painful as I hyperventilate. I try to focus on him, on his gestures of breathing in and then out. The cramping in my hands goes away gradually as I follow his lead, the looming attack cut short with his help.

My skin grows clammy as my pulse evens out; still, he doesn’t stop drawing my attention to him, his touch reassuring as I’m coming back into myself. A tear slips out and down my cheek, but he catches it half way, wiping it away.

“You’re safe, we’ve got you,” he says, keeping up his steady stream of calming words. I’m not even sure he is aware he is saying them. The dining hall comes back into sharp focus, and we thankfully didn’t gain the attention of any of the other students, each one in their own world or absorbed in their phones.

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