Page 24 of Knot Forgotten

“I was going to be good. But if you keep looking at me like that, I will be reacquainting myself with your lips.”

I shift my gaze to his sparkling eyes. There is so much love shining back at me, as if no time has passed between us. As if he doesn’t blame the teen I was for disappearing like the others do. Something inside of me cracks. I didn’t realize how much I needed this—whatever this is. Acceptance of me, for me.

“What if I don’t want you to be good?” I whisper the words I know will have his restraint breaking.

He groans again, his eyes squeezing shut. “Shit, Rinny. I want to. I really do. But–”

My lungs catch on a breath. “But?”

“It is too soon. You need to adjust to us knowing the truth of who you are. And who knows, maybe after a day or two of their antics, you would regret letting me kiss you.” He sighs, his hand dropping to my thigh. He gives my leg a gentle squeeze. “Don’t think for a second that I don’t want to feel your soft mouth against mine because it is all I’ve dreamt about for years.”

Between my hormones and emotions, I’m not sure which way is up. Only that Matt is going to be by my side no matter what.

Steadying myself, I pause outside the dorm room. I can’t avoid them forever. Their voices converge into one through the door, and I swallow, wiping my palms down my jeans. Using my key, I open the door, and the conversation stops. Blake is on the sofa, his girlfriend in his lap, while Cam has a controller in his grip, and he’s playing some shooter game with Riley.

Matt is absent, and I wish he were here. Riley drags his eyes down my body, raking me over with his jade irises. His character dies on the screen, and he tosses the controller to the coffee table before throwing an arm across the back of the couch and facing the TV again.

Cameron ignores me, pressing buttons like a mad man and dropping enemies like it’s his job. While Blake tilts Riana’s face to his and kisses her like they are the only two in the room, and he will die if he doesn’t feel her lips against his.

I can’t tear my eyes away from them. A dry swallow works my throat. Blake drops one last soft kiss to Riana’s mouth before turning his head to look at me. “I think Erin wants to join, Riana.”

Riana lifts her gaze to me, jealousy shines in the depths, and I’m positive she would not be as willing to have me join as she was Willow the other night.

“She can have Riley; he never has a girl,” she scoffs. Of course she doesn’t sign or look directly at Riley while she talks, so I'm not sure he knows she’s offered him up. I can't see his implants from behind him. It makes my blood boil. I hate it when people are aware of him being hard of hearing and don’t include him. It made me mad as a kid, too.

I can remember vividly the day that changed my life and made everyone in the school hate me while the four of them became my protectors.

The kids continue to taunt Riley from behind him. Tapping his shoulder and running away. Teasing him relentlessly because he is a little different than everyone else. His dirty blond hair flung out a little too long around his shoulders each time he twisted. He laughed like it was all a joke.

But I’ve been on the receiving end of their jokes, and they don’t feel too funny when they are aimed at you. I stomp across the playground and shove Jimmy Erickson to the dirt before picking up wood chips and throwing them in Ben Wilson’s face. They both cry out for different reasons, but I don’t care. I reach for Blair White and yank her by her hair away from Riley.

“Leave him alone,” I order. “It isn’t funny.”

I put myself between the three of them and him crossing my arms.

Jimmy laughs cruelly and advances. “Do we need to go through you, Erin? Because we will.”

Blake Moon, Matt Korbinsen, and Cameron Parker approach as a threesome. Finally seeing their friend being teased. I know Cameron, he lives next door to me. We sometimes play together in the summer time, but he is too cool to talk to me at school. I don’t wear the right clothes. Homemade dresses with apples stitched on the front of them is not what other kids wear.

“What is going on?” Matt asks.

“This loser interrupted our game.” Jimmy points at me.

“You were being mean. It wasn’t a game. Picking on someone like that isn’t okay. It just makes you a bully to someone that is supposed to be your friend.” I’m not sure where my courage came from, but seeing someone being intentionally hurt like my dad hurts my mom is too much for me to sit by and do nothing about.

Riley’s hand lands on my shoulder, and he turns me around to face him. He touches his fingers to his lips before moving his whole hand away. I’ve paid enough attention when the teacher’s aid is working with him to know that he’s thanking me.

It makes me flush, and I just nod because I don’t know anything else to do or say. He gives me a soft smile, and it is at that moment I want to do everything in my power to learn to communicate with him in more than just English and one way lip reading.

“I don’t know that Riley would touch her. She isn’t really his type,” Blake replies, yanking me back to the present.

“And she’s yours?” Riana says, sounding offended.

“Blake fucks anything with two legs, Riana, why do you think he keeps you around?” Cam glances away from his game for a moment, pinning her with a look to hit his point home.

She gasps a quick, hurt breath, and I almost feel bad for her. Before I can slip into my room, she erases that feeling completely. “I doubt he would do more than come on her chest.”

Her words follow me into the room as I shut the door between us. This is torture. Some kind of sick mental torture they’ve thought up.

---