Page 47 of Second Chance Mates

AVA

Ican't stop the thoughts that flood my mind. My brain reacts to Jaxon’s actions by seizing up like muscle memory. Right now, there isn’t a single thought without a filter. I gasp for a breath as I reach my room, sheltering inside for some privacy, but I’m not alone with the loudness inside my head.

One hand presses firmly against my chest, and the other grips my hair. I groan in agony, desperate for these voices and impulses to leave me alone and spare me some peace.

My head whips towards the door, and I lurch forward to lock it. I shove my back against the wood and slowly sink to the floor, sobbing into my hands. As soon as my legs hit the ground, I crumble into a hyper-sensitive state.

I tighten my hands into fists so intensely that my fingernails dig into my palms. My eyes shut as I try to control my breathing, but I can’t seem to distract myself. Everything is so loud, and I cannot push it out.

There is an ache between my brows, growing over my eyes and into the back of my skull. I continue to cry, tears leaking with every sniffle. The harder I cry, the clearer the voices in my head become.

It makes me remember what they made me believe.

Whore.

All your body is good for is to be used by us.

It’s an object. You are our object.

Dirty whore.

My head shakes desperately, trying to rid myself of these horrid memories, but they don’t go anywhere. They linger like parasites by clinging onto my insecurities and making me live through every dreaded moment over again.

I place my hand over my chest and grip my T-shirt; my lungs are seconds away from exploding. My eyes close in an attempt to calm down, but nothing will calm me. Not a single thing.

No one would even want you. Useless piece of shit.

Dirty whore.

Give us a show. It’s the only thing you bitches are good at.

My fingers claw through my hair as I grip the roots and tug. I grit my teeth and groan in agony as they take away my last breath. It never goes away. I want it to go away.

Please make it stop. Please make it stop. I cry to myself over the volume of my living nightmares.

I can’t keep my back against the door as my chest movements become rapid. Nothing is working—not my lungs, not my brain. I am not in control. Have I ever been in control?

Ava. Jaxon’s voice enters my head, and I whimper. Let me help you. I won’t touch you. I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. Let me help you like I did last time. Do you remember?

I shake my head at the added voice. It’s so damn loud. I want to scream at the top of my lungs to get them all out. I need this to stop now.

Ava. Listen to my voice, okay? You need to breathe deeper. Take longer breaths.

Tears drip off my jaw as I turn up my nose at his voice. It makes me feel all sorts of things—things I can’t trust.

Leave me alone, I yell through gritted teeth.

Whore. Whore. Whore. Whore. Whore.

The things you are thinking are not true. You are not those words.

I choke out a breath and frown at the wall. How can he hear my thoughts?

Please let me in. Let me help you.

Stupid dirty fucking whore.

“Get out!” I scream, pulling at my hair to the point it almost tears my scalp. “Get out of my fucking head!”

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