Page 48 of Second Chance Mates

Ava– he’s quieter this time, but he’s still there and still burning a hole through my brain.

“Stop it,” I cry into my hands pathetically. My vision is so blurry I can’t even see what’s in front of me. “Stop it.”

Jaxon’s voice doesn’t come again. I’m left alone with these demoralising words and the sound of my own sobbing. The sound of my own heart beginning to crack erupts in my ears.

I am broken. I am nothing. I am useless.

My body slumps to the side of the door, and I hit my head with a thud. I curl up into a ball and attempt to cry away the pain, but after a few long moments, I realise I don’t consume pain; pain consumes me.

When my eyes flutter open, I feel like I’ve been reversed over by a truck. My head pounds, and every inch of my body aches, yet I am empty and hollow.

Panic attacks truly use up every last drop of energy.

I push myself up from the floor where I fell asleep or passed out from hyperventilating. It wouldn’t be the first time I fainted during an episode—I doubt I'll be the last.

Ava. Jaxon’s voice reaches me again. Are you okay? I’m trying to give you space.

My lips tremble at his words. At least the voices from earlier are gone, and I can finally think clearly. I could sleep forever, and I’d be at peace.

I’m okay, I say bluntly.

I’ve had to leave the house for a couple of hours for some duties. I’ve asked Lucy to check in on you.

I push myself up from the floor on wobbly legs. I make the short distance to my bed before flopping down on the soft mattress. It’s definitely different to camping out on the floor; my back is tight in all the wrong places.

My eyes focus on the ceiling as I release a shuddering breath. Why can’t I be normal? I’m so fucked up that I wonder if I’ll ever stand a chance of going back to how I once was.

Stop saying that, Ava. You are not fucked up. It’s Jax again.

He’s reading my thoughts. How? I’m too exhausted to argue right now.

I thought you were giving me space, I respond blankly.

Jaxon’s voice flitters for a moment. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hear your thoughts, he states slowly, and each word sounds so sincere that it’s hard to digest. When you think something with intense passion, it floats into my mind the next second. It’s a part of our bond that connects us. I’ll teach you how to put your shields up. I don’t want to intrude on your privacy.

I have questions, but I don’t have any energy, I mindlink weakly.

Then save it. Please can we talk when I get back?

My eyelids shut, and I twist onto my side, tucking myself into a tiny ball with my head firmly on the pillow.

Ava?

Okay.

I’ll see you later.

Once the mindlink between us disappears and the place he was occupying in my brain vanishes, a wave of emptiness settles inside me. One minute, his presence calms me, and I know our bond is a big reason. Then the next minute, the thought of being too close to him makes my skin crawl, and all these memories come flooding back.

I open my mouth and drag my tongue along my bottom lip. Every part is bone dry, and I peel myself from the bed desperate for a drop of water. I unlock the door and slowly descend the stairs, where I approach Jaxon’s private kitchen.

But I stop in my tracks when I hear voices.

“Did you hear her scream last night?” asks a voice I don’t recognise.

“No, I didn’t. Was she alright?” That’s Kayden. My body shudders.

I don’t dare take another step. I stand right where I am and listen. I shouldn’t listen. I should walk away, but something is forcing me to stay.

---