Page 101 of The Heat of Us

“What time is it?” I finally croaked. My head felt like I’d been grinding it against sandpaper for the last hour.

There was a sudden burst of light from a phone. “Almost 3am,” Aleks said, before turning it off and plunging us back into darkness.

The silence between us was palpable.

“I can’t do this,” I whispered.

36

HAZEL

I knew Ben would reach for me first.

“Whatever you are carrying inside you, I promise you can trust us with it,” he told me fiercely. “Don’t run, Hazel.”

You won’t want me when you know.

But the words stuck in my throat.

Of course they wanted me. I’d been pretending I didn’t see how deeply they cared. Pretending they hadn’t proven themselves to only want the best for me over and over.

“You are allowed to stop punishing yourself.”

Aleks’ quiet words were a baptism, cleansing and pure. I didn’t realise how long I’d been underwater until he pulled me out of it.

Light flooded the room as Aleks turned on my lamp. We all winced, blinking rapidly as our pupils adjusted. His movements were so sure as he lifted my limp form into his arms. He swept my hair off my shoulders carefully and his lips found Adrian’s fading bondmark on my neck.

“I think you should tell us about him.”

Him.

My past and my failure.

Was I ready for that? I don’t think I could ever be ready.

But I was tired. Broken.

Maybe this way I could stop carrying it all by myself.

I laid my cheek on Aleks’ shoulder and finally let myself speak.

“I was bonded before. To my scent matched alpha. His name was Adrian.”

I hadn’t heard his name spoken out loud in so long. I don’t know why I expected something monumental to happen but all I could hear was quiet breathing as they listened attentively.

I told them about my summers in August Bay. Our childhood romance and awakening for him on those dunes.

“He really could do it all, you know? So fucking smart, top of his class. He went to church every Sunday just like his parents wanted. But I think he enjoyed the community of it as well.” I could see him so clearly running around outside letting the younger children chase him. “I would call him crazy because he woke up early on purpose, just to catch the morning surf. And he loved racing. Dirt bikes. Just mad for the adrenaline it gave him. I’d never felt him so alive in the bond.”

My fingers dug into Aleks’ back, bracing for what was to come.

“There was a race he was excited for,” I said, my voice growing subdued. I could feel the tension mounting in the room as they sensed what was to come. “He was frustrated at the rumours it might be cancelled because of poor conditions and was ecstatic when it went ahead. It should’ve been cancelled because…”

Breathe in. Exhale. Get the words out.

“I…I didn’t see it. But I felt it. In our bond. His panic, his fear, then…”

I didn’t know what else to say and hoped it would be enough for them to understand. Ben laced his fingers in mine and Remy’s palm ran over my knee.

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