Page 102 of The Heat of Us

“He was in a coma after that.”

“Fuck,” Aleks said under his breath.

Not dead, like they probably expected.

“We had only bonded a year earlier. One summer together, that’s all we had. Shame because he loved summer,” I said, wistfully. “I went on heat suppressants and visited him every day. Dropped out of uni and lived as a ghost. I didn’t want a life if it wasn’t with him. I spent more time sitting by his bed our entire relationship than doing anything fun in it.”

I let out a half-hearted chuckle. No one joined me.

“His parents didn’t give up. They moved here because they were able to get him into a private facility. All they told me was that they offered groundbreaking treatments you couldn’t get anywhere else in the country. But they needed my help to do it. Our parents were best friends. Did I mention that? My parents were pushing me to say yes too. So I did.”

Ben opened his mouth as if he wanted to question me — what facility? What treatments? But held himself back and let me continue.

“They put Adrian and I through so many tests, trying stuff with me using the bond. I always felt so guilty when it didn’t work. They asked me so often if I felt anything from his end that I almost imagined it to be real sometimes, just from the sheer exhaustion of wanting it to be true. But I couldn’t lie. Couldn’t give them false hope.”

“How long did this go on for?” Ben asked, trying to keep his voice controlled. “From his accident to these treatments?”

“About two years. Maybe three? Honestly, that time in my life is a blur.”

His fingers almost crushed mine before he forced himself to relax.

“Then I started to get health issues. The worst cramps. Horrible mood swings. Weight fluctuations. Adrian’s parents started making comments.”

“What sort of comments?” Remy asked dangerously.

I swallowed past the lump in my throat. “About my heat. Innocuous at first, seemingly expressing concern that I hadn’t had one in so long. Then they began suggesting that having me go into heat would wake him up.”

Ben was shaking with barely contained rage. I knew he knew what was coming but I still had to say it.

“I had a breakthrough heat three weeks later,” I said, feeling strangely unemotional. Like I was recounting events that happened to someone else. “They can be worse, you know, the first heat when you come off suppressants. Especially when you’re bonded. And I had been on suppressants for a long time.”

I could feel the rising anger in the room despite their best efforts to control it. I forced myself to push on.

“Adrian’s parents locked me in the room with him and paid the facility staff to look the other way.”

“How long?”

I looked up at Aleks for the first time, finding nothing but desolation. “How long did they leave you there for?”

I shut my eyes, trying not to relive the moment in my head. “Twelve hours. It probably would’ve been longer but there was a shift change and one of the relief staff hadn’t been paid off. The whole time I was just…needing him and wanting him and he was just, he was just—”

The pain of it all slid past my ribs like a knife and I welcomed it, wishing it came with the oblivion I craved.

So many of my nightmares stemmed from that day. Begging for Adrian who lay there motionless and cold, unable to tend to me.

Unseeing, unhearing, unfeeling.

“They sedated me for the rest of my heat. The omega specialist said I had been taking placebo suppressants for about a week. My mum had been the one to swap them out from my bedside table. I didn’t even notice.”

Even saying the words now years later made me feel stupid.

“She said it was for my own good. That she was trying to help me because…” I chuckled dryly. “I’d gone and lost my virginity to him so he had to get better so we could get married.” I looked at their disbelieving expressions. “My parents are, er, kinda super religious.” I glossed over quickly.

“Anyway, it fucked my body up, not having my heat tended after suppressing it so long while bonded. Suppressants weren’t an option for me anymore. And if it happened again it would have long term effects on my health.”

I remembered the way the doctor rifled off the potential side effects like a grocery list.

Infertility. Early menopause. A reduced life expectancy.

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