Page 80 of Forever Always

My fingers clenched around the hilt. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah. He’s sittin’ outside the door, probably can hear everything we say.”

“Alone?” The knife pinched my skin.

“Dakota’s out there with him. He’ll be fine, Beck.”

I swallowed, my head a fuckin’ mess. I hated that I’d kicked Riley out and blamed him, but I also couldn’t get my throat to work to call him in. It was all a jumble that wouldn’t get untangled no matter how hard I fuckin’ tried. I closed my eyes. Maybe I could rest, just for a little bit.

“Beck, are we gonna talk about that knife at all?”

Jay was whispering so Riley couldn’t hear, but the worry was clear, even if he was trying to keep it casual.

“No. Don’t take it.”

“Not takin’ it. Just maybe, if you plan on cuttin’ deeper, tell me first?”

That sounded reasonable so I nodded. “Yeah, okay.”

Jay didn’t say anything else, just lay next to me, his arm barely touching mine, and I just focused on breathing.

“We’re bein’ stalked,” I blurted. Fuck, wasn’t how I meant to share this. “By the guy who, uh, who did things to me as a kid.” I still couldn’t say the fuckin’ word.

“’Scuse me, what?”

I shared everything then. It was the second time today I spilled my whole fuckin’ life. But this time felt less like getting skinned alive, and more cathartic. This was Jay. The fact he didn’t say anything and let me just talk said everything.

After a while, things started to make more sense. Usually, this was when I’d fall so deep, it would take days to get back, but I managed to hang on this time. My grip on the knife loosened.

“Riley.” I was so exhausted, I couldn’t get any other words out, but that one was all I needed. Fuck, I’d barely said his name before my butterfly barged in and climbed onto the bed.

He moved to my other side, and while I couldn’t let go of the knife yet, I snicked it closed and opened my arm for him, finally able to breathe again when he cuddled against me.

“I’m sorry.” He sniffled. Fuck, had he been crying?

“I’m sorry too.” I kissed his head, letting him know we were good. He kissed my chest.

“You may as well tell Dakota to get in here too. No reason for him to stay out by himself.”

Jay propped himself up on his elbow to look me in the eye. “You sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure. I ain’t gonna hurt myself. I’m sorry I thought about it, butterfly.”

“It’s okay.”

Jay picked up his phone and texted Dakota. About a minute later, he was standing in the doorway.

“C’mere, darlin’,” Jay called.

Dakota looked directly at me. “Are you sure? I won’t be offended if you just want to be with your family now.”

That was really what we were. A fucked-up family. But they were mine, and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

“I gotta feelin’ you’ll be part of this family for a long time. C’mon.”

Dakota smiled, even if he still looked unsure. “The bed isn’t big enough.”

“Sure it is,” Riley answered and rolled himself so he was on top of me. Laughing, I scooted us both over. Dakota finally climbed into the bed on the other side of Jay, and I closed my eyes again. Usually, I needed space when I got into that mindset, except from Riley. Even Jay being that close could be too much. I wasn’t sure why this time was different, but with Riley crushing me and Jay pressed right up against me, I felt lighter than I had in months. My family was close. We were all safe. Maybe we were struggling, but we were here, and at the end of the day, what more could you ask for?

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