Page 37 of Forever Always

I twisted my head to look at my best friend. His eyes were scrunched together tight and his breath was a little labored. He wasn’t sleeping easy like Riley was. I wished there were more I could do for him. I wasn’t there for him all week, and that nurse, Dakota, clearly had opinions about that too. Not that I blamed him. Jay had always had my fuckin’ back, and the one time he’d needed me, I wasn’t there. No matter the reason, I felt like a pile of shit.

Jay’s eyes fluttered opened. For a moment, there was just calm in his chocolate-brown eyes, and then it all hit him. I squeezed his arm in support.

It took him another second to realize he was basically spooning me. He tried to jerk away, but I held him where he was. “You don’t need to move if you don’t wanna.”

Jay’s nose wrinkled. “I love you, man, but not like that.”

I pushed at his shoulder. “Fuck off. You know I don’t mean it like that. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with cuddlin’ if ya need to.”

He snorted. “Maybe after I brush my teeth.” He pushed away from me, and this time I let him. I watched as he stumbled out of the bedroom and to the bathroom. He had a toothbrush and all his shower shit here, so he’d be okay.

I rolled onto my back, trying to decide what to do. Jay was shutting down.

“Is he okay?” I turned toward Riley’s sweet voice. He was still on his side, watching me with his big blue eyes. The way he was looking at me now, like he had all the trust in the world in me, settled me. We’d be okay no matter what happened.

I pushed his floppy hair outta his face. “I don’t know.”

Riley just nodded and closed his eyes. I heard the bathroom door open again, but Jay didn’t come back into the room. Fuckin’ A. I kissed the top of Ri’s head. “I’ll be right back.”

He nodded and wrapped the blankets around him. He understood I needed to talk to Jay alone.

I found him sitting on our couch, putting his boots on. “Where the fuck’re you going?”

He looked up. “Home.”

“You are home.”

He snorted. “I mean my apartment.”

I walked over to him and sat on the coffee table in front of him. I hoped the cheap thing wouldn’t break. “Jay, you don’t gotta leave. You know you can stay here. This is your home too, man.”

He finished tying up his boots and sighed. “I can’t stay here. You and Ri got enough crap goin’ on. You don’t need me addin’ to it.”

“Bullshit. I know I wasn’t there for you this week, and I’ll never make up for that, but it don’t mean you have to do this on your own.”

“You don’t gotta make up for anything. I get it. That’s why I gotta leave though. I can’t be throwin’ my problems on top of yours too.”

“We’re like brothers, Jay. That’s what we do.”

“I’ll be fine. I got a lotta stuff I gotta do anyway. I need to talk to the landlord and figure out this hospital bullshit.”

“So we go together.” I looked up at the sound of Ri’s voice. He was leaning against the doorframe in nothing but those low-hanging gray sweatpants. My gaze lingered a little too long before it snapped to his face. Were those always so see-through?

“You got your interview today, Ri. I’m fine,” Jay said dismissively as he stood. “I’m seriously fine. She was a shitty fuckin’ mother. It’s not like there was any love lost between us. I’m good.”

Except, he wasn’t.

I casually shifted so I was standing in front of the door. I wouldn’t actually force him to stay if he really wanted to leave, but I had a feeling that wasn’t the case. We just had to prove we wanted him here.

Annoyance flared in Jay’s eyes. “Move the fuck outta the way, Beckett.”

I leaned against the door and crossed my arms. “I’m good right here.”

He shoved my chest. “I said move!”

“And I said no. You tell me why you’re really leavin’ and maybe I’ll let you go. But maybe not.”

“Jay, please,” Riley said, as he walked up behind us. “It’s okay to be sad.”

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