Page 36 of Forever Always

“She’s dead.”

“I know. I’m so fuckin’ sorry.” Jay shrugged and looked over Becks’s shoulder to the bed. It was the first time I realized that his mom was still in the room with us. Maybe I was the shittiest person, but I couldn’t look at her. I was already seeing our mom everywhere, and I knew if I looked, I’d lose it.

“It’s okay. She’s been pretty much dead for a long time. I should be over it by now.”

I came and sat on the floor by Jay’s feet and rested my head on his lap. He put his hand on my shoulder. It was tentative and a little awkward, but he didn’t stop me.

“She’s still your mom. It’s okay to be sad or feel hurt.”

Jay nodded. “Yeah. I’m not really sad though. Is that okay too?”

I glanced at Beckett but for once, his sole attention was on Jay. “Yeah, man. That’s really fuckin’ okay. There’s no wrong answer.”

“Yeah, like I always tell Becks, there’s no wrong way to cope. You’re allowed to feel how you feel.”

Jay snorted. “What article did you read that in?”

I knocked my head against his knee, even if I was smiling like a fool. He was joking That was good, right? “Whatever. Just cause I googled some articles about it, don’t make it any less true.”

Jay didn’t respond, and we all got quiet. I wasn’t sure how long we sat just like that before Jay looked at us, seeming more lost and hopeless than I’d ever seen him. “Would I be a terrible son if I asked if we could leave now?”

“Fuck that, Jay,” Beckett snapped with more heat than probably necessary, “No, you wouldn’t be. You’ve been here for days by yourself and I fuckin’ hate that I wasn’t here for you. But I’m here now, and no one will blame you for needin’ to leave.”

“Wasn’t your fault,” Jay muttered. How many times would we have to say something like that to each other? “Besides, I wasn’t alone. Dakota stayed with me.”

I looked at Beckett, who shrugged. The nurse? What was that about?

“Let’s not worry about it now. Ri, can you take Jay outta here? I’ll talk to someone to see what needs to happen now.”

“Talk to Dakota. He’ll help.”

Okay, there was a story there. One I wouldn’t be getting for a while. “C’mon, Jay. Let’s get outta here.”

“Okay.”

“Did you eat? There was a hot dog stand out front. We could get one?” I asked him, feeling this need to take care of him. I mentally calculated the cash I had left. I could manage to feed Jay though. Who knew how often he’d eaten in the last few days.

“I’m not hungry.” I looked at Beckett, but he was already in problem-solving mode.

“No worries. Let’s go.” I had to practically lift Jay out of the chair, which wasn’t easy because he was so much bigger than me, but I finally got him up and out of the room. Neither of us looked at his mom. Beckett went the opposite way to the nurses’ desk. I was about to guide Jay away when Dakota stopped us.

“Hold on a second.”

I glared. “I need to get him out of here.”

But Dakota stood his ground. “I know. But there’s paperwork and things that need to be done. If Jay wants someone else to handle it, he needs to give permission. Usually, there’s more, but I’m willing to let a few things slide.”

“Let Beckett do it, Kota. I’m so fuckin’ tired.”

Dakota’s expression softened, and there was no way I misunderstood the look that passed between them. “I know. Okay. I’ll talk to Beckett.” Dakota reached out, like he was going to touch Jay, but stopped himself. He turned and walked away, and I led Jay out of the hospital without another word.

CHAPTER 14

BECKETT

My eyes fluttered open and I was face-to-face with a sleeping Riley. His lips were puckered in a pout and slightly open. The most adorable little sounds were coming out of his mouth, and I just sat there and watched him sleep, completely mesmerized. Could he really be mine? Just mine? Would there really never be a time where some other fucker tried to take him away from me? It seemed so wild to believe it could be true. But if this last week had taught me anything, it was to not hold back or waste chances. Whatever was going on between us, I’d never figure it out if I didn’t try.

Something shifted behind me, and a weight pressed against my back. I froze, and panic threatened to creep up. A tattooed covered arm flopped across my chest, and I relaxed when I saw the skeletal bones piece covering the hand. Jay.

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