Page 25 of Forever Always

“What. Happened?”

Jay put his hands up in surrender. “Easy, little man. I’m not the enemy here.”

I took a step back, trying to get my shit together. My jaw hurt I was clenching it so tightly, but I needed to get it together. I shouldn’t be taking it out on Jay.

I scrubbed my face. “I’m sorry, Jay. I’m actin’ like an asshole.”

Jay’s shrugged, his gaze fell on Becks real quick before it came back on me. “Honestly, I don’t really know. Beck suggested we go check out some of the shelters to see if my mom was there. We were just standin’ in the entry of the first one. He was totally fine. I think he saw someone through the glass, and then this . . .” He waved his hand at Becks.“Did he say who the guy was?” Maybe it was one of Dad’s buddies? Or one of his dealers? Becks had had more than one run-in with them over the years. But Jay shook his head.

“I’d never seen the dude before. The manager said his name was . . . Mr. Chance, Case, Chase? Somethin’ like that. By then, I’d already realized somethin’ was up with Becks so I wasn’t really listenin’. Then Becks collapsed and I forgot all about him.”

I ran the names through my head, tryin’ to see if any sounded familiar. I remembered Mr. Chase, the counselor Mom had us talk to as kids, but it couldn’t have been him, right? Why would that guy cause Becks to have a panic attack? I was pretty sure he’d even helped us a couple times.

Beckett whimpered, and his body thrashed some in his sleep. None of that mattered now. There was nothing I could do about it until later. I had to get to Becks. It could’ve been anything that set him off. I pushed my jeans down, not giving a fuck that Jay was there.

“Thanks, Jay, for takin’ care of him. Sorry I flipped on ya.”

He shrugged. “No biggie. I’m used to that when it comes to the two of you.” What did that mean? He looked back at me, and I realized then how fuckin’ tired he looked. “Not to seem like a total asshole, but do you think I’m okay to bail for a bit. I have work in a few hours, and I really want a fuckin’ shower.”

“You can shower here, you know.”

He shook his head. “No. You two need space. Plus, your water heater fuckin’ sucks. I can at least get 10 minutes of lukewarm water in mine.” He grinned, trying to lighten the mood. I didn’t buy it, not with the worry in his dark eyes and the circles that looked like bruises under them. But I let it go. I had to get to Beckett.

“I’m good. Thanks again, Jay.”

I didn’t wait for him to leave the room before I crawled into bed. Beckett stirred as I wrapped my body around him, one hand buried in his hair, my knees pressed into his shins, and our faces are just inches apart. I’d done some googling when it came to nightmares and shit like that, and every single result would have told me that I was doing the wrong thing. But I knew my Beckett.

He stiffened in my hold, just for a second. “Shh, Becks, it’s just me. You’re safe.”

“Butterfly?” His voice sounded rough, and I wasn’t sure if he was all the way present.

“Yeah, it’s me. Your butterfly.”

“Don’t leave me.”

Fuck. I squeezed him tighter.

“I ain’t goin’ anywhere, Becks. I’ll be here. It’s you and me, remember?”

“Forever,” he whispered, already halfway back to sleep.

“Always,” I responded as he finally relaxed in my hold, and fell back into the rough sleep I’d found him in.

Sleep didn’t come as easily for me. I stayed up for I didn’t know how long, just watching Becks. I mentally traced the faded scar across his cheek. Even as I’d stitched him up in dirty bathroom of the motel we were staying at during that time with Dad, he wouldn’t tell me how he got it. It hurt, that he wouldn’t share with me, but I knew he had his reasons. Even all these years later, I had no fuckin’ clue, but I’d watched him staring at it with that dead look in his eyes long enough to know I was probably better off not knowing.

What happened tonight? I wracked my brain, as I tried to figure out who that guy was, what I coulda done to help him more— basically anything. But truth was, there was probably nothing. We both had our damage, and who knew what would trigger us on any given day? Becks would be fuckin’ pissed if he knew I was stressing over it. So, I snuggled in even tighter, and breathed just a bit easier when he snaked an arm around my back and pulled me against his chest. As much as I tried to stop them, tears streamed down my cheeks against my will. I buried my face in Beckett’s chest, trying to ease my nerves. He smelled like sweat and vomit, but I didn’t give a fuck. It was Becks, and that was all I needed.

CHAPTER 10

BECKETT

“Dad! Dad! Wake up!” I screamed in his face, but it was useless. He was passed out, half on the couch, half on the floor, two empty bottles surrounding him and a needle just resting on his chest. Fuck, what if Riley got ahold of that? He was only seven.

I slapped his face, but nothing changed. Was he dead? Was it terrible I kinda hoped he was? I stalked into the kitchen, purposely not looking at Riley as he watched me with his big eyes by the front door. I always made him wait there until I checked to see what was going on with Dad. I didn’t want him to see this.

I grabbed the biggest cup I could find and filled it with ice-cold water before stomping back into the living room. This had better work. I still held the piece of paper I’d found on the door in my other hand. I tried to get it off before Ri saw it, but he read way better than first-grade level and I knew he saw it, even if he didn’t know what it meant.

“Dad!” I screamed one more time, still a little scared to do what I was about to do. He was usually pretty angry when he woke up after a bender, but I had no choice. When he didn’t move, I held the glass over his head and poured.

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