Page 17 of Forever Always

I frowned again. He was talkin’ in damn circles. “I know . . . That’s what I backed off. I might hate it, but if he wants to date that guy or whatever, he can,” I said through gritted teeth, every word fuckin’ painful to get out. I gripped the edge of the bar as my vision started to get blurry around the edges.

Stop hugging him, boy. It ain’t natural.

A hand touched mine, and my eyes snapped back open to see Jay next to me, holding it on top of the bar. “I’m gonna say this and then I’m gonna move on because I can tell how bad it’s fuckin’ with you. I just want you think about it, okay?”

I nodded because I couldn’t manage more than that. “I might be wrong, but I’m pretty fuckin’ sure Riley doesn’t wanna call that guy, or any other guy or girl for that matter.”

Huh? “He doesn’t? Then why show me?”

“To get that reaction out of you.”

Jay squeezed my hand one more time before slipping out from behind the bar.

I didn’t even have a chance to process that bomb when a group of people walked in and I had to do some actual work. It didn’t leave my mind though. Even two hours later, as the place started to fill up and my focus had to be on pouring drinks, Jay’s words didn’t leave me.

Could Riley really have wanted me to lose my shit like that? But why? I knew without question it wasn’t to hurt me. No matter how pissed he was, he would never play with me like that. So why? Did he want me to get jealous, like Jay accused me of. I shook that thought off immediately. There was no way. Jay was just in my head was all.

Still, I found myself imagining a world where I wouldn’t have to worry about some random dickhead hitting on my butterfly because he was really and truly mine. It wasn’t as hard to picture as I thought it would be. I didn’t know how to feel about that.

Like I’d said when Dad had accused me of shit the other day, I’d never ever thought of Riley like that. But even if he wasn’t my little brother, I’d never saddle Riley or anyone to me. I was too messed up for a relationship and would drag the poor sucker down with me. But would I if it was Riley? He was the only one who was ever able to bring me back. Maybe . . .

I shut down those thoughts real quick. Still, by the end of my shift, I hadn’t gotten any of it outta my head and I was more on edge then I’d been when I’d walked in. I was gonna have to talk to Ri about it. It was the only way to clear the air and get over all . . . this.

CHAPTER 6

RILEY

It was almost 5 am when I finally dragged my tired ass up the five floors to our apartment. Working the overnight shift fuckin’ sucked. It was always so dead in there, and every noise had me jumping out of my skin. I must’ve watched too many horror movies as a kid because I always expected the worst.

Today was terrible because I hated how things had ended with Beckett. He’d texted me during lunch like he always did to check in on me, but that was the only contact we’d had, and we sure as shit didn’t mention what had happened this morning. The guilt had been weighing on me all fuckin’ day. I should’ve never done that. I couldn’t figure out what was going on in Becks’s head, but the last thing I wanted was him to feel guilty or ashamed. I’d hoped that would bring us closer, not push us apart. I vowed I’d tell him I never planned on messaging the guy as soon as I saw him.

My eyes were so heavy, I didn’t know how I kept them open long enough to make it home. It took me three tries to get the key in the lock, but I finally did. I made sure to lock the door behind me because it didn’t matter how tired I was, I knew better than to forget that. I dropped my backpack on the floor and kicked off my shoes. Turning toward the bedroom, I slammed right into Beckett, literally.

I stumbled back a few steps. Damn, when did his chest get so solid? “Sorry, Ri. Are you okay? I thought you saw me.”

I shook my head and rubbed my eyes with the palms of my hands, trying to stay awake. “Can barely keep my eyes open. Didn’t expect you to still be awake.”

Becks looked down at me, his expression a little . . . off. “Yeah, I, uh, couldn’t sleep.”

I frowned, the worry already building up. Was it cause of what happened earlier or something else?

“What’s wrong?”

Becks ran his fingers through his hair. It was a little damp, like maybe he’d just showered, and now it was sticking up in all different directions. He looked adorable and much younger than usual like that. I swallowed nervously and looked away. I needed to keep it together.

“You’re tired. We can talk in the mornin’.”

I sighed, way too exhausted to deal with this bullshit. “Becks, just fuckin’ tell me. You know I’m not sleepin’ at all if I’m worried about you. Better to just get it over with.” Then I thought about it. “But follow me into the bedroom. I wanna get out of these fuckin’ clothes.”

Beckett stayed quiet as he followed me into the room. I could feel his eyes on me as I got changed, which was different. We changed in front of each other all the time, nothing weird about that. But I didn’t think he’d ever watched me before, not like this. Trust me, I didn’t mind. At. All.

I snuck him a glance as I pulled up my sweats, not bothering with a shirt. His face was scrunched in concentration, like this was the strangest shit he’d ever seen in his life. Okay? That wasn’t exactly the expression I was hoping to see.

“Becks.” He blinked several times, shaking his head like he just remembered where he was and what happened.

“Sorry.” His cheeks were red as he sat on the edge of the bed. I stood in front of him, just far enough so that our knees brushed. Becks’s eyes trailed down my chest before they snapped up to my face. What the fuck?

“Becks, what’s going on? You’re scarin’ me.”

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